I used to be a real ad
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We blizzard care much about the player experience

twitchquotes: We blizzard care much about the player experience. For this reason, we're changing the card Ultimate Infestation as follows: Deal 5 damage, gain 5 armor, summon 3 JADE GOLEMS, Add 5 Jade Idol to your hand. I'm Ben Brode, hope you still like my raps!
twitch chat
September 2017

Hearthstone

Streamers should eat before they start streaming

twitchquotes: Streamers should eat before they start streaming. Eating while streaming, unless you put other content on and take the camera off you, is extremely bad manners and disgusting. "Streaming is a real job!" It is. But most streamers dont treat it like a real job. Between failing to make schedules, acting in a way that would be considered unprofessional, constantly calling off, etc etc. Content creation can be a real job. But most dont treat it as one.
twitch chat
April 2021
I used to be a real ad

you stupid "point loaders" arent ACTUAL iamqtpie fans

twitchquotes: you stupid "point loaders" arent ACTUAL iamqtpie fans, if you were you would know he absolutely despises copypastas such as "whens apex legends" or the one you're posting right now!! better go and watch informative videos on youtube and learn how to be a real michel santana fan
twitch chat
January 2020
imaqtpie

I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021

Lmao you call yourself a XQC fan? I’m fucking loaded on reddit accounts bro

Lmao you call yourself a XQC fan? I’m fucking loaded on reddit accounts bro. I practically control r/place, I’m that fucking powerful. Try talking in chat again when you’re a true fan...
April 2022
xQcOW
What happened to this ad? :(

I'm not a fan of any team in particular

twitchquotes: I'm not a fan of any team in particular. I'm just a fan of whoever plays the best League of Legends and right now that just happens to be Rush from Echo Fox. Show some respect.
twitch chat
March 2019

League of Legends

Could someone explain forsen to me?

twitchquotes: Could someone explain forsen to me? I watched his stream for the first time yesterday, always seen him in clips and he spent roughly 80 to 90 percent of the time not talking while his chat spammed a bunch of dogshit, is that all his streams are? Does he not do anything but just sit there silently all day?
twitch chat
January 2022
Forsen

I was BANNED from my local super smash bros melee scene

twitchquotes: I was BANNED from my local super smash bros melee scene. They use the local community college to host this and TOLD ME BY EMAIL IF I CAME THERE THEY WOULD NOT ALLOW ME IN. This was out of nowhere so I immediately called the TO, who told me why. He said it was because I was frequently toxic and angry. He said that I yell at players and make them uncomfortable and scared, and that a girl quit because of me. While I DO sometimes get frustrated and vocalize it, so do many other people I am simply being discriminated against my voice is naturally deeper than most. also the truth is a girl never quit that is a complete lie, she was just butthurt that she was worst than everyone there. I'm so fucking irate. I've been a member of this community FOR YEARS and just now I'm a nuisance? I am entitled to a certain level of RESPECT for being a veteran player. I'm looking into finding a lawyer who get me unbanned. There MUST be a law that prevents people from arbitrarily banning others from certain locations without written documents proving it (the TO just SAID I was banned he did not provide any evidence.) The TO isn't rich or anything so I don't think I would have to ask a lot from him, I think he'd break under just pressure of lawsuit.
twitch chat
January 2019

Super Smash Bros

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Mr Bear song (that's where your hopes go to die)

Well There's all sorts of creatures, down on Dangley Doodle Farm. Like wise old Mr Octopus, with way too many arms! There's Mr Pig! And Mr Cow! They're always in good moods. But That's cause they don't know they'll soon be sliced up into food! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to turn into despair. Mr Bear! What's That over there? That's where your dreams go to die! Mr Racoon! Wants to go to the moon. He'll end up as a bus driver soon! Mr Porcupine! Thinks he'll read the news at nine, he'll end up as a janitor, who stinks of turpentine. Mr Tiny Mouse! Thought he'd own a massive house. Ended up in a bed sit where he can't control the louse! Mr Horse! Though he'd go into professional sports. Now he's an alcoholic and he's on his third divorce! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the place your life becomes an endless questionnaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your hopes go to die. Lower your expectations! Maybe you could get a job in telecommunications. No matter how you try you'll never reach the League of Nations. The best you'll get is middle rank in trading operations! So lower your expectations! You'll never win an oscar, so there's no congratulations. The future that is coming will not meet specifications. And no amount of visualisations will save you from your own deterioration Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the tramp who thought he'd be a multimillionaire! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where self-esteem goes to die. Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's the disappointment that is waiting everywhere! Mr Bear! What's that over there? That's where your schemes go to die! That's where your dreams go to die! That's where dreams go to die!
April 2022
What happened to this ad? :(

Using a copypasta as an insult

You can't imagine how motherfucking much you humiliated yourself by using someone else's copypasta to insult me. Just shows how pathetic 12 year old you are, can't even make original insult. Now that you embarrassed yourself infront of everyone, use your fucked up brain and don't try to claim it's your original insult, cause dumbfuck, I read first 20 words and already suspected it to be copypasta, did some research and I was right. You're a motherfucking masochist who's habit is to humiliate himself infront of everyone, that is the most pathetic part. And is this what you do in every argument? Using someone's insult copy pasta because you can't come up with original insult and then, if they find out it's copypasta, you use another copypasta which "says" copypastas are stupid. Damn I was right about you being fucked up 12 year old.
February 2022

Hot Twitch streamers are just not good for my health

Her streams are just not good for my health. She is so hot I skip every stage and go straight to post nut clarity, then I get a deep feeling of loneliness and dread. I just don't know what to do with myself and everything seems pointless.
December 2021

Coomer

Fapping to Reynad

twitchquotes: anyone else fap to reynad?
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Finland's national anthem

twitchquotes: Finland mentioned, so here is our national anthem: Isäm maa karjala perkele sauna kirves vaimo 6-1 omakotitalo vene terva mäntysuopa suomempystykorva konepistooli karhu ilves susi kossu viina pontikka metsä kiitos 39-45 veteraani Mannerheim Juti rillaa Seppo Räty Mika Häkkinen sydänkohtaus diabetes Trixi saatana.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Reddit and Twitter changed their logos

twitchquotes: My entire life I’ve been a hardcore anti-minority white man who despised anyone who didn’t look like me, but today I saw reddit and twitter changed their logos to the color black, and now I’m sitting here in shock just thinking about my choices in life. Wow.
twitch chat
June 2020
What happened to this ad? :(

She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.
August 2021

Dear host EZ 🍷 of digital streams EZ 🍷

twitchquotes: Dear host EZ 🍷 of digital streams EZ 🍷 gentlemen from chat EZ 🍷 ask you to include male music EZ 🍷 with vocals EZ 🍷 of Gachirian era EZ 🍷
twitch chat
March 2020

KappaPride

workout with forsen

twitchquotes: Hello everyone, I don’t know if this is the place to say this but since bunch of females have been coming out saying people have sexually assaulted them I as a male need to get this off my chest. I met forsen one year ago at the gym lockerroom when he was doing two streams with workout in between. He said why I was wearing a jabroni outfit and I said “fuck you”, he responded back with “no fuck you leatherman” and things got heated up.
twitch chat
July 2020
Forsen

KappaPride

I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad

k3soju bt diff kiyoon fanfic

twitchquotes: Soju and kiyoon lying on their deathbed talking about good old set 5. Soju: Remember how broken BT was hehe. Kiyoon: Yeah haha. The nurse comes in with Sojus daily blood transfusion (BT), what she didnt know is tha kiyoon had paid off the nurse to give him the wrong blood. Soju: Kiyoon im dying, i got downgraded so hard. IK soju, ik... goodbye old friend. Fucking BT diff soju whispers with his last breath...
twitch chat
May 2021
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

Text-to-Speech Playing