[Copypasta] I spend all day working my ass off at the pasta factory

twitchquotes: I spend all day working my ass off at the pasta factory trying to provide pasta to hard-working people all across the world. After a long day of work, I come to Kripp's chat to unwind and have thought-driven discussions about my favorite game and favorite streamer. When I get here, however, all I see is pasta after pasta. All I want to do is escape my miserable life, but you fucks keep spamming.
twitch chat
March 2018

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

I used to be a real ad
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Big shoutout to NA LCS

twitchquotes: Big shoutout to NA LCS. My mother has sleep anxiety problems, but on weekends she sleeps like a bear. All I ask of her is to watch 10 minutes of NA LCS.
twitch chat
July 2015
Riot Games

Classic

League of Legends

EU vs NA

Kripp's gotta hit up the bathroom

twitchquotes: "Give me a second, guys," Kripp says. "Gotta hit up the bathroom" He turns down the volume on his microphone, and immediately gives Dex a swift kick down the stairs. As Dex yelps loudly in pain, Kripp overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this game!" as loudly as he can. Rania tries to calm him down, but Kripp swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Kripp wipes the blood off of his face, sits back down at his computer, and resumes his stream.
twitch chat
January 2018
Kripp

Classic

I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
November 2014

Classic

I sexually Identify as

FitnessGram Pacer Test

The FitnessGramβ„’ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
September 2016

Classic

REKT Not REKT

☐ Not REKT β˜‘ REKT β˜‘ REKTangle β˜‘ SHREKT β˜‘ REKT-it Ralph β˜‘ Total REKTall β˜‘ The Lord of the REKT β˜‘ The Usual SusREKTs β˜‘ North by NorthREKT β˜‘ REKT to the Future β˜‘ Once Upon a Time in the REKT β˜‘ The Good, the Bad, and the REKT β˜‘ LawREKT of Arabia β˜‘ Tyrannosaurus REKT β˜‘ eREKTile dysfunction
May 2014

Classic

Shrek

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