[Copypasta] thank you for slow mode

twitchquotes: thank you for slow mode. im an old man and chat scrolling so fast makes it hard to keep up. thank you again from a 56 year old veteran.
twitch chat
May 2019
(ā–€ĢæÄ¹ĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Wow! I love Verizonā„¢!

twitchquotes: Wow! I love Verizonā„¢! I’m glad that the internet is so free! Isn’t it great to say whatever you want and have your opinion represented equally across the internet! It’s really great! Good thing Verizon has spent millions on having that removed I’m sure they won’t abuse it! Thank you Verizonā„¢! I love Verizonā„¢! Don’t you love Verizonā„¢?! Say it! Say it! Say you love Verizonā„¢! Can’t you see they’re protecting us from all those small businesses who want to steal a fraction of their market?! Don’t you hate those people disagreeing with you?! I sure love Verizonā„¢! Thank you Verizonā„¢! Thank you for sticking your gold plated rusty knives up our asses and looking us dead in the eyes and saying ā€œthis is what’s best for a free and open internetā€ and slowly twisting it deeper and deeper until we eventually just give out and shit money into your fat wallets!
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

You have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin

sigh To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin. Its future applications are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of computing and economics most of its possible functions will go over a typical investor’s head. There’s also Sitoshis’s free market outlook, which is deftly woven into his creation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Robert Malthus, for instance. The shills understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this coin, to realise that it is not just speculation - it says something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Bitcoin truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the brilliance in Satoshi’s brilliant programming method - the ā€œBlockchain,ā€ which itself is a cryptic reference to Haber and Stornetta's Merkle trees. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our lord and savior's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. šŸ˜‚ And yes, by the way, i DO have a Bitcoin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid šŸ˜Ž
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Bitcoin

Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer

twitchquotes: Ź• Ķ”ā—Š Ķœā—‰ Ķ”ā—Š Ź” Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, had a very Salty Nose. All of the other Streamers laughed and used to call him names. BibleThump Then one salty Krippmas Eve, Forsen came to say, "Reynad with your salt so bright, won't you topdeck my sleigh tonight?" Then all Streamers loved him as they jerked off with glee, Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, you'll go down in history! Ź• Ķ”ā—Š Ķœā—‰ Ķ”ā—Š Ź”
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

salty

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what?

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what? I'm waiting for the "right one", there's nothing wrong with that. Just because I'm 36 doesn't make it "weird" or make me a "loser". I have standards. I'm not going to give away my state of chastity to some bar/club "whore"; that's just not the kind of guy I am. I require a REAL women that will hold and care for me gently, and who can, above all else, love me for who I am. Once I find that person, I'll happily donate my virginity away. Until then, I am fine being a virgin. Besides, I have a fleshlight, so it's not like I don't know how it feels anyway. Maybe one day you immature keyboard cretins will understand that life isn't about just having sex for the accomplishment, it's about love and finding the "one" to share that experience with.
September 2021

Biden's America

The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers ā€œ1ā€ ā€œ9ā€ ā€œ8ā€ and 4ā€ on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it. ā€œIt’s for hunting,ā€ you say. They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief. ā€œOne more thing.ā€ You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes. ā€œI need to see your vaccination cardā€ It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes. ā€œDon't worry, it will all be over soonā€ He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your ā€œsocialism is for figsā€ shirt into your arm. ā€œNighty nightā€ Your world fades to black once more.
October 2021

Joe Biden

Politics

Text-to-Speech Playing