twitchquotes:
I hate it when people type "xD" 
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Kripp and another language
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Kripp
There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist
There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
FLIPP ALL THE TABLES
twitchquotes:
(âŊ°âĄÂ°)âŊïļĩ âŧââŧ FLIP THAT TABLE. âŧââŧ ïļĩ ã―(°âĄÂ°ã―) FLIP THIS TABLE. âŧââŧ ïļĩ ïžž\('0')/ïž ïļĩ âŧââŧ FLIP ALL THE TABLES āē _āē Son... āē _āē Put. āē __āē The tables. āē ___āē Back. (âŪ°-°)âŪâģââģ (âŊ°âĄÂ°)âŊïļĩ âŧââŧ NEVER!!!!
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Twilight Sparkle
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Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes
twitchquotes:
Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
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Reynad