Our government is so kind and caring for us. Waits till the very last minute to finally pass something and gives us $600 which should last us for at least 5 months. God bless this country
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Robinhood halts trading on President's Day
This is bullshit. I’m disgusted and I’m honestly on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown. Robinhood has once again halted trading. But this time it’s halted on all stocks. This fine Monday morning I wake up to find that all orders aren’t going to be filled till tomorrow morning. My dad’s wife’s girlfriend is a powerful lawyer in Boca Raton and I’m seriously considering retaining her services and filing a class action lawsuit against these citadel dick munchers. This has happened to me too many times. I’m low key spiraling into madness. Donate to me on onlyfans if you want to contribute towards the legal fees. She’s giving me a pretty kickass discount, but she estimates it’s still going to cost $150k. This happens to be the amount I lost on gme, but this is not relevant to the conversation here. It’s time to rise up and take down robinhood once and for all.
Also, yeah my stepmom has a girlfriend. It’s 2021 you bigots.
WallStreetBets
Christmas for a wsb trader
As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some.
How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully.
“Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps.
The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls.
After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
WallStreetBets
How traders politely decline the second date
I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
WallStreetBets
Team Bull vs Team Bear
Team Bull
Jerome "We print it digitally" Powell
Elon "TSLA stonk too low imo" Musk
Nancy "Stimulus talks going well" Pelosi
Donny "Stop the count" Mango
Janet "Unlimited QE bitch" Yellen
Lisa "Su Bae" Su
Ryan "Make Gamestop great again" Cohen
------------------------------------------------------------------------
VS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Bear
Jeff "No stock split to keep the poors out" Bezos
Mitch "Stimulus talks not going well" Mcconnell
Steven "Discontinue the PPP" Mnuchin
Andrew "PlTr PrIcE tArGeT $10" Left
Tim "Don't call me by my slave name" Apple
Michael "I'm publicly shorting TSLA" Burry
Warren "I fought in the Civil War" Buffet
Which team will win?
Team Bull or Team Bear?
Load up on weeklies for a ticket to the pay per view hell in the cell match.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Guests:
That one JPM analyst with TSLA 90p 12/18
Life savings SPCE calls guy
Jim "FUCK ROBINHOOD" Cramer
WallStreetBets
Careful bulls, dangerous things past the moon
Careful tomorrow bulls, there are dangerous things past the moon.
✨
.-' `'.
✨ / \ . ☀️ ☀️
| ;
✨ | | ___.--,
_.._ |0) ~ (0) | _.---'`__.-( (_. ✨
__.--'`_.. '.__.\ '--. \_.-' ,.--'` `""`
( ,.--'` ',__ /./; ;, '.__.'` __
_`) ) .---.__.' / | |\ \__..--"" """--.,_ . ☀️
`---' .'.''-._.-'`_./ /\ '. \ _.-~~~````~~~-._`-.__.'
| | .' _.-' | | \ \ '. `~---` ✨
\ \/ .' \ \ '. '-._) ✨
✨ \/ / \ \ `=.__`~-.
jgs / /\ `) ) / / `"".`\
, _.-'.'\ \ / / ( ( / / . ☀️
`--~` ) ) .-'.' '.'. | (
(/` ( (` ) ) '-;
` '-; (-' ✨ ✨
✨
☀️
🚀 <--- BULLS ✨ ☀️
✨
🌙
☀️ ☀️
☀️
✨ 🌎
✨ 🌝
☀️
✨ ✨