Our government is so kind and caring for us. Waits till the very last minute to finally pass something and gives us $600 which should last us for at least 5 months. God bless this country
I used to be a real ad
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Apple announces an EV program
Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
WallStreetBets
Investing in gourd futures
Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.
WallStreetBets
Bears after a green day
Itβs 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelinaβs frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their fatherβs basement, grab the keys to their tan β97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word βVOTE,β and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.
WallStreetBets
WSB Choose your fighter
Choose your fighter
Alex Magikarp π
Elon TechnoCuckLord π€+π€΄
Jeff Divorcedzos π
Salmonella π Nutella π«
Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman π€‘
Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya π
Ryan Cocken your butthole π₯π¦ πππ³
π₯ Z π₯ U π₯ C π₯ C π₯
Tim π Bottom π
±οΈENIS
Jack Ma MIA π€·ββοΈ
Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the π»s' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods πβοΈ
WallStreetBets
Genetics is the future
I keep putting more money into ARKG and making more money and I'm starting to actually fall in love with the genetics revolution. I hope one day they invent some sort of super sperm cocktail so I can shoot thicc rope with giant big brain sperm like tadpoles that come out and shoot 16 feet at 90mph. Then I can train my fatheaded genius kids how to buy calls. It could also offer a self-defense solution in a pinch as you rapid fire tadpoles at any incoming attackers.
Genetics is the future.