Our government is so kind and caring for us. Waits till the very last minute to finally pass something and gives us $600 which should last us for at least 5 months. God bless this country
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Drunk at Applebees
I don’t care if there’s a microchip in the vaccine. I’d let them put a whole MacBook Pro inside of me if it meant I could get drunk at Applebees again
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If PLTR hits 35 today
If PLTR hits 35 today I will wipe with quarter ply toilet paper and accidentally discover myself
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Holding Galactic Virgins
Virgin Galactic Holdings changes name to Holding Galactic Virgins, and announces it’s changing its business model to extraterrestrial prostitution.
Edit: SpaceX, not to be outdone, changes to SpaceSex
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Don't use the "F word" on the trade floor
Just heard an employee use the “F word” on the trade floor, and immediately fired them. Maybe other funds will tolerate that kind of language, but don’t you dare talk about Fundamentals here.
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Unrealized losses
She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red.
“I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.”
But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice.
She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon.
Unrealized losses.