Gonna be checking the market every chance I get while pretending to think my brother-in-law's Cards Against Humanity answers are funny.
I used to be a real ad
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Careful bulls, dangerous things past the moon
Careful tomorrow bulls, there are dangerous things past the moon.
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WallStreetBets
Unrealized losses
She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. โWhat?โ you ask absentmindedly. Youโre looking at Futures, and youโre surprised to see them red.
โI want you to play with me.โ She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isnโt totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, โI want to do that more.โ
But youโve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. โUh huh,โ you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you donโt realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you donโt say a word because you donโt notice.
She hasnโt left you yet, but she will soon.
Unrealized losses.
WallStreetBets
Robinhood halts trading on President's Day
This is bullshit. Iโm disgusted and Iโm honestly on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown. Robinhood has once again halted trading. But this time itโs halted on all stocks. This fine Monday morning I wake up to find that all orders arenโt going to be filled till tomorrow morning. My dadโs wifeโs girlfriend is a powerful lawyer in Boca Raton and Iโm seriously considering retaining her services and filing a class action lawsuit against these citadel dick munchers. This has happened to me too many times. Iโm low key spiraling into madness. Donate to me on onlyfans if you want to contribute towards the legal fees. Sheโs giving me a pretty kickass discount, but she estimates itโs still going to cost $150k. This happens to be the amount I lost on gme, but this is not relevant to the conversation here. Itโs time to rise up and take down robinhood once and for all.
Also, yeah my stepmom has a girlfriend. Itโs 2021 you bigots.
WallStreetBets
I just smashed my TV because of the SPY
I just smashed my TV in front of 30 guests at my house because of the SPY. My wife just took our crying kids and said theyโre all spending the week at a hotel. This sub has ruined my life and my party. I canโt handle this anymore. Goodbye Powell. I am no longer a fan.
WallStreetBets
Bullish market makes me hard
When the stocks ๐๐ go up ๐๐ธ, my dick goes too ๐โฌ๏ธ๐ณ. Bullish ๐ market ๐ฌ makes me hard ๐ฆด๐ฆ. All the countries ๐ณ๏ธ๐ด๐ดโโ ๏ธ๐๐ฉ๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐บ๐ณ try to recover ๐ from corona ๐ฆ so the money ๐ฐ๐ต๐ธ flows ๐ฌ into my pocket ๐ณ. Soon ๐ there will be a crash ๐๐ญ๐ฅบ๐ and the bears ๐ป will crawl ๐ผ out of their holes ๐ณ. Then they cut off my greedy dick โ๏ธ๐๐ฉธ if I donโt โ eat โem out ๐
๐ธ. I must turn into a bear ๐โก๏ธ๐ป and make ๐ค๐ผ more money ๐ฐ๐ต๐ธ and eat some honey ๐ป๐ฏ. When Iโm done โ
Iโll throw a party ๐๐ท๐พ and eat your ass ๐
๐.