[Copypasta] I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Think of the saltwater fish

twitchquotes: ( Β° ΝœΚ–Ν‘Β°) Hey Kripp, Marine Biologist Gilbin Pastarino here. I come to you on behald of all the salt water creatures of the world as your body seems to have absorbed 99% of the oceans salt. Please thinkerino of the poor fisheroni. Thanks
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

Asmongold’s Defence for Brony Accusation

"Listen. Just because I know who Rainbow Dash is, and I know what Equestria is, and Princess Celestia is, and I- I know uh, other things about the thing too probably I- probably I think about it, I don't know - Just because I know that stuff - Pinkie Pie, yeah, the- I don't- Look, it- I- I'm not- no, sounds like you know the story- of course, LISTEN, what do they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer guys, t- remember- remember how they say that? Wh-what do you- wait, there's nothing wrong with this, it's- it's- that's, SEE? Look guys, yeah, TRUE, TRUE, yep, and absolutely not, nope we're downvoting this one, no, nope nope nope, that's not true, sus-"
April 2022
Asmongold

Twilight Sparkle

β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“ β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▐▄░▓▓▓▓▓▓ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“ β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“
ascii art
November 2014

So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a Red M&M cosplay

So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Red M&M’s wrapper and shoes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as an M&M and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made mde feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my wrapper. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "It’s that kind of party." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter, can’t resist my chocolaty interior?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "I melt in your mouth, not in your hands!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'ms till Red M&M."
September 2021
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