[Copypasta] So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

What happened to this ad? :(
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WSB Buy $COCK

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February 2021

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I couldn’t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do

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I challenge you to “Turtle King”

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October 2021

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Careful bulls, dangerous things past the moon

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Don't use the "F word" on the trade floor

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WallStreetBets

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