[Copypasta] Red futures :(

Bought a bunch of calls thinking I was going to be able to afford an escort to shit on my chest, now it's these red futures that are shitting on my chest.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbetsOGs/comments/lp6i1r/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_february_22_2021/gob8p5c/
I used to be a real ad
More WallStreetBets Copypastas

WSB Buy $COCK

Buy $COCK. I heard WSB is buying $COCK and $COCK IS THE NEXT BIG THING. $COCK IS RISING TODAY. Do your own DD on $COCK and let me know how much you like $COCK. πŸ’ŽβœŠ your πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€ $COCK to the πŸŒ‘
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Ape rocket

πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸ΅πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸš€πŸš€πŸš€πŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸŒπŸŒπŸŒπŸŒπŸŒπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸŒπŸŒπŸŒπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸŒπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž
ascii art
April 2021

WallStreetBets

I’m a simple guy

I’m a simple guy. I don’t know about all these fancy β€œfinancial instruments” or β€œmarket dynamics” or β€œwhere the clit is.” I like the stock, I buy the stock.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. β€œAre you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. β€œSoon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they haltβ€”the alternation feature brokenβ€”on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls. After a timeβ€”hours?β€”you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise?

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Motley Fool would tell you. It’s a πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ» legend. Darth JPOW was a Dark Lord of the FED, so gay and such a bear he could use his money printer to influence the economy to create inflation… He had such a knowledge of the economy that he could even keep stonk prices from falling. The dark side of the economy is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… transitory. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his tendies, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught Nancy Pelosi everything he knew, then she sold at the top. Ironic. He could save others from market corrections, but not himself.
May 2022

WallStreetBets

More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing