[Copypasta] A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
(ā–€ĢæĹĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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i'm an mibr fan

twitchquotes: šŸ¤” not so smart šŸ¤” cry when i can šŸ¤” you guessed it right šŸ¤” i'm an mibr fan šŸ¤”
twitch chat
June 2020

CSGO

Facestone

twitchquotes: Important message from BlizzardĀ® Customer Support: We recently renamed HearthstoneĀ® to FacestoneĀ®. Please make sure not to use HearthstoneĀ®, SkillstoneĀ® or RNGStoneĀ® since these names are obsolete. Thank you.
twitch chat
March 2015
Forsen

Penis Inspection Day

twitchquotes: I was talking to some people I know, and apparently I'm the only person who remembers "Penis Inspection Day" in Elementary School. The gym teacher took us into the washroom one at a time while everyone else kept playing, and tugged our foreskin back and inspected our penis to make sure we were developing properly and keeping clean. Surely I can't be the only one who remembers this, other people must have had Penis Inspection Day at their school too.
twitch chat
December 2019

Hi, my name is Artour Babaev

twitchquotes: Hi, my name is Artour Babaev, I was born on south russia, in a small farm of Salt, my entire life was all about salt, I would farm salt with my father rino, in fact, my life was so full of salt, my friends named me "PPD", until some gang of Spooky Scary Skeletons killed him. To this day, I vowed to kill all skeltons to avenge my father, dont cpy pastarino my storyno
twitch chat
November 2014
SingSing

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. Iā€™d brandish my obsidian knife at them and theyā€™d be compelled to approach. ā€œThatā€™s very cool,ā€ theyā€™d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. Theyā€™d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. ā€œBut as it is volcanic glass, itā€™s very fragile, you see, and isnā€™t well-suited for use as a weapā€”ā€ and then Iā€™d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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