[Copypasta] A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

Watch out I'm driving (Truck)

โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–Œโ–โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–Œ โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–„โ–„ โ–ˆ Kappa WATCH OUT I'M DRIVING โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–Œ โ–€(@)โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€(@)(@)โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€(@)โ–€
ascii art
February 2017

Classic

NEVER SUBBED NEVER DONATED

twitchquotes: NEVER SUBBED TriHard NEVER DONATED TriHard ADBLOCK ON TriHard STOLEN LAPTOP TriHard NEIGHBOURS WIFI TriHard MOMMAS HOUSE TriHard STOLEN SOLAR PANELS TriHard STOLEN SUN TriHard SOLAR ENERGY STOLEN TriHard WATER WHEEL TriHard NEIGHBOURS RIVER TriHard STOLEN HYDROELECTRIC PLANT TriHard CHARGING PHONE WITH WORK ELECTRICITY TriHard SHOWER IN BATHROOM SINK TriHard STOLEN FOOD FROM CAFETERIA TriHard STOLEN HAMSTER TriHard STOLEN HAMSTER WHEEL TriHard KINETIC ENERGY TriHard FREE ENTERTAINMENT TriHard
twitch chat
November 2019

InvaderVie sub shaming

twitchquotes: It doesn't really matter how much money you make, or how much money you have ๐Ÿ˜„ That's really the thing because I'm not asking you large financial contribution! 20$ is quite alot of money. A sub is 5 dollars! It doesn't matter how broke you are ๐Ÿ˜„ If you have time to watch Twitch, you have 10$, if you don't, you should be working and earning money. Or you're saying you're so irresponsable with your money you won't support the entertainment you enjoy?! ๐Ÿ˜†
twitch chat
April 2020

So you're going by "Activision-Blizzard" now nerd?

twitchquotes: So you're going by "Activision-Blizzard" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Riot from Highschool. Remember me? Me and Gaben used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Hearthstone the game you had a crush on? Yeah, I have the better card game now. I make over 200 billion a year selling skins and I drive a Boeing 787. I guess some things never change huh loser? Good luck at 'Blizzcon' lol. Pathetic.."
twitch chat
October 2019
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