[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Trump Biden fanfic

Trump wins the election by one vote. He tries to find out who the last vote was. It was Biden. He then says to Biden “after all this you still voted for me?” Trump then changes his vote to Biden which then makes it a tie. They both get very emotional. Biden then leans in and makes out with trump on national television. They run away and live the rest of their lives together. Which leaves Kanye west as the 46th president of the United States.
November 2020

2020 US Election

Donald Trump with mic

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠋⠉⡉⣉⡛⣛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣸⣿⣿⡿⠿⡯⢙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⡀⠄⢀⣀⣉⣉⣉⠁⠐⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⣿⣿⣀⠈⠿⢟⡛⠛⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠰⣄⣴⡬⢵⣴⣿⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢀⢄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⡉⠻⣿⡿⠁⠘⠛⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠈⠻⠄⠄⠄⠄⢘⣧⣀⠾⠿⠶⠦⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⢀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⢣⣶⡒⠶⢤⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠄⢘⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠻⠻⠺⣼⣿⠟⠋⠛⠿⣿⣿ ⠋⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣷⡤⠄⠰⡆⠄⠄⠈⠉⠛⠿⢦⣀⡀⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⠟⡋⠄⠄⠄⢣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠹⣿⣀ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣷⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⢺⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠸⣿⡄⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⢹⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘
August 2019

One mouse to rule them all

twitchquotes: Three mice for the Diablo 3 players under the sky, Seven for the Hearthstoners in their halls of stone, Nine for Path of Exile doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Greece where the Shadows lie. One mouse to rule them all, One mouse to find them, One mouse to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

you only go for the easiest most OP builds

twitchquotes: Hello, I've noticed that you only go for the easiest most OP builds, but you play them suboptimally. As a High Elo ( Plat III ) TFT player and a Certified TFT Coach, I could help you with a few of your mistakes, missplays. Hit me up, first hour is free!
twitch chat
September 2019

League of Legends

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 7)

After we threw Liam out the window, I decided to call another emergency meeting. “Chad sus!1!1!!1 He’s the SUSSY VERY IMPOSTER!” I said. They all asked why Chad was sus. I said it was because his name is Chad. They all agreed so we ejected him. I was naruto running around the office when Adam stopped me and said “Why are you running?” OH MY FUCK DID HE JUST SAY THE FUNNY UGANDAN MEME? SPIT ON HIM BROTHERS. I spit on Adam and I pulled down my pants and pissed on him. He ran away screaming and everybody looked at me. I pulled my pants up.“ Adam sus. He’s screaming.” Everyone nodded and we ejected Adam. My son came out of the elevator even though it was take your kid to work day and he was supposed to be on the bottom floor, not up here on the 3rd floor! So I said “Son, what the fuck nugget wholesome keanu reeves are you doing here?” He closed the elevator door and I think he went to the first floor. I tried pissing on the elevator door in hopes that it would malfunction it but I don’t think it worked. That stupid little bastard. So I got in the elevator when it came back up and went to the first floor. I looked around but couldn’t find him. I pulled one of the kids up by her shirt and said “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?” She was screaming and I threw her away. I stomped down the hallways trying to look for him but I couldn’t find him. “This is not a fortnite minecraft roblox 100 wholesome keanu reeves chungus Amogus moment. That’s pretty sus.” All the coworkers were looking at me in terror. I went out back and searched in the dumpster to see if I could yet again try to find a weapon to kill all the people there. I already got rid of Chad, Adam and Liam so everyone else could easily be disposed of.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

Text-to-Speech Playing