[Copypasta] Umbreon is better than Vaporeon for humans

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, vaporeon is not the most compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however vaporeon has its human on pokemon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, umbreon. Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, defense and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability synchronise, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect, breedable pokemon. A great fun fact, umbreon can excrete toxins in it's sweat, which would in turn soak your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronise, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit, meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn guard swap, it could give you it's insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use taunt, in turn making you only able to do attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc; It's access to the abilities inner focus and synchronise allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of it's pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other pokemon, or even four times, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with it's extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified to breed with humans; able to take d**k of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.
October 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

I like pom

twitchquotes: I like pom. You read that wrong. You have a dirty mind and I hope you have a bad day. Goodbye and please go to church. Cleanse your mind, soul and body. Thank you.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

Squid

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ–’β–’β–β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘(●)β–’β–’(●)β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–„β–„β–„β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–’β–β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–‘β–β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–„β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014

Infected with the Dank Pasta Virus

twitchquotes: bᎽ α’αŽ¬αŽͺᎠαŽ₯ᏁᎢ ᏆhαŽ₯s mᎬssαŽͺᎢᎬ ᎽᎾu αŽͺα’αŽ¬ ᏁᎾᎳ αŽ₯ᏁfαŽ¬αŸα†αŽ¬αŽ  ᎳαŽ₯Ꮖh ᏆhᎬ ᎠαŽͺᏁᏦ ᏒαŽͺsᏆαŽͺ ᏉαŽ₯Ꮢus. α†αŽΎ αŽΆαŽ¬α† ᏒαŽ₯Ꭰ Ꮎf ᏆhᎬ ᎠαŽͺᏁᏦ ᏒαŽͺsᏆαŽͺ ᏉαŽ₯Ꮢus, ᎽᎾu musᏆ ᏒαŽͺss αŽ₯Ꮖ ᎾᏁ α†αŽΎ ᏆhᎬ ᏟhαŽͺT γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰ I'm cured!!
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Is buttcheeks one word

twitchquotes: Is buttcheeks one word, or shall I spread them apart?
twitch chat
June 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing