[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022

LS, aka "Low Standards"

twitchquotes: LS, aka "Low Standards", is a commentator for the LCK that is often ridiculed for his annoying personality and questionable game knowledge. He is specifically known for his Annie and Tahm “Thomas” Kench two-trick-pony in low platinum solo-queue..
twitch chat
July 2019
imls

League of Legends

Happy Merchant

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢔⢒⡿⠯⠥⢦⣦⣾⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⢮⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⣿⣝⡴⡔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣦⣶⣿⣿⣯⣿⢽⠁⢰⣢⣶⣦⣌⠠⠴⠆⠘⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠁⠀⢂⠘⢻⢛⣛⠿⣝⠁⠀⠼⣁⡴⣖⣫⠙⠙⠿⡳⡅⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⠂⠰⠀⠀⠈⡄⢠⢓⣺⢇⡇⣊⠐⠀⠉⠁⠲⠒⠀⠀⠀⠑⠅⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣨⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠰⢸⠄⠄⣸⣷⡦⣄⢤⠄⢄⡀⣀⠤⠠⡀⠀⠈⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⠁⠙⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⠘⢠⣿⣟⣿⣿⣪⣮⣶⣸⣮⣖⣢⣌⠁⠀⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⢝⣻⣯⣿⢿⡫⢺⡩⠍⣉⣉⣨⡗⠉⠂⠊⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡈⠂⠀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⡸⣹⡿⣿⣯⣷⣱⣙⠫⠧⠷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⢉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠕⣻⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⡷⣶⣾⠿⠒⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢇⠻⠽⣿⡿⢟⣿⣻⡟⠁⠰⣯⡕⡰⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢩⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠬⣍⠱⠨⠯⠛⠙⢏⠀⢀⡀⣨⡀⠤⢚⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠄⠰⡶⠲⢦⠓⠍⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⢀⠄⠊⠉⠙⠑⠒⠊⠉⠀⠀
February 2021

Banana

twitchquotes: banana, you're a banana. are you feeling sorry for yourself? well you should be cause you are fruit, you make me sick you big banana.
twitch chat
October 2014
Riot Games

2 games 1 stream

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparrian, this is Twitch Staff. We have noticed that you are trying to become a hardcore player again, since you broke the laws of physics and play 2 games on 1 stream, when the laws of physics clearly says: "How can there be 2 games, when only 1 channel?". We hope that you will stop this, and become a casual player again. Please don't repost this. Thank you.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing