[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Give me a second guys, Dex says

twitchquotes: "Give me a second, guys," Dex says. "Gotta hit up the mailman" He turns down the volume on his bork, and immediately gives Kripp a swift kick down the stairs. As Kripp yelps loudly in pain, Dex overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this delivery!" as loudly as he can. Fey tries to calm him down, but Dex swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Dex wipes the blood off of his snout, sits back down at his ball, and resumes being a good doggy
twitch chat
January 2019
Kripp

So you're going by "c9Sneaky" now nerd?

twitchquotes: So you're going by "c9Sneaky" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Antwan250 the boy you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic
twitch chat
April 2018
Sneaky

Tanner from High School

Marlboro

(Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_Μ…ΠΌΜ²Μ…a̲̅я̲̅lΜ²Μ…bΜ²Μ…oΜ²Μ…rΜ²Μ…oΜ²Μ…Μ…_Μ…_Μ…_( ﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞﱞ:
May 2014

ARAM, aka "Americans Running Around Mid"

twitchquotes: ARAM, aka "Americans Running Around Mid," is a strategy employed by many LCS teams in order to tilt their opponents. However, its successfulness is questionable, especially since it made TL lose the fastest ever international Bo5.
twitch chat
August 2019

League of Legends

Mario poops mods

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–“β–“β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘MODS░░░░▐▄▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░
January 2017

MODS

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing