[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
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Kawaii Gun

โ€ฆ_โ€ฆ..____________________, , โ€ฆโ€ฆ/ KAWAII GUN `โ€”-___________โ€”โ€”_____] = = = = =(๏พ‰โ—•ใƒฎโ—•)๏พ‰*:๏ฝฅ๏พŸโœง โ€ฆ../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/ โ€ฆ..), โ€”-.(_(__) / โ€ฆ.// (..) ), โ€”โ€”โ€ โ€ฆ//___// ..//___// .//___//
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๐Ÿ‘…HAPPY NEW YEARS SLUTS ๐Ÿ†

๐Ÿ‘ฏhey SlutS! ๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ’… Now that we got our yearly ๐ŸŽ FUCK ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผfrom good ole Saint DICK ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿพ itโ€™s FINALLY New Years Eve!!!๐Ÿ—“๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘… 2๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ2๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ was a LONGG ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ† and HARD ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŠ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜ซ year.... we laughed๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ We cried ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜–๐Ÿ‘Ž We coughed ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿค’๐Ÿคง we fucked GOOD๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป dick๐Ÿ† and ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ตBAD ๐Ÿ˜” dick, ๐Ÿ˜ซ BUTT ๐Ÿ‘ now letโ€™s ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘Celebrate ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽ‰ and watch that ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ†BIG ๐Ÿ‘… BALL ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ Drop ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„ on us! ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ So spread ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ those ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ legs ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ and count down โฌ‡๏ธ from ๐Ÿ”Ÿ until your man ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿพ pops ๐ŸŽ‰ his CORK ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ into that thirsty ๐Ÿ‘…thirsty ๐Ÿ‘… hole! ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ Send this to 2๏ธโƒฃ1๏ธโƒฃ COCK-BEGGING โœŠ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ† WHORES to get BUTTFUCKED ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜ฑ for the next 3๏ธโƒฃ6๏ธโƒฃ5๏ธโƒฃ days ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
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A man has fallen into the river in Lego City! (uwu version)

a man has fawwen into teh riwer in lego city! owo start the rescuwu hewicopter HEY nuzzles u Buiwd teh hewicopter and owoff to the resucuwu prepare the lifeline, lowoer the stwetcher and make teh resucuwu the newu emewgency cowwection fwom lego city!!!
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NFT Navy Seal Copypasta

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pirate? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at Full Sail University, and I've been involved in numerous secret Photoshop files, and I have over 300 confirmed NFTs. I am trained in gorilla artwork and I'm the top artist in the entire US armed artists. You are nothing to me but just another pirate. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of discord servers across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can turn you into an NFT in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed brushstrokes, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States NFT Corps and I will use it to its full extent to stomp your miserable ass directly into the blockchain, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit paint all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
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Text-to-Speech Playing