[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Anime girl 3

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–„β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–’β–β–β–β–’β–’β–β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–€β–„β–€β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–’β–’β–€β–€β–Œβ–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–€β–€β–„β–β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–β–β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–„β–„β–€β–’β–β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–’β–€β–€β–„ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–’β–β–’β–’β–’ β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’
ascii art
January 2017

Weebs

Emoji move emoji review

twitchquotes: A πŸ‘Œ whole πŸ’¦ town πŸͺ of πŸ’¦ beings, πŸ‘€ confined to πŸ’¦ feeling 😜 one 😀 emotion their πŸ† entire πŸ‘ life. πŸ‘€ That 😐 could πŸ”’ honestly πŸ‘ be 🐝 the πŸ‘ focus of πŸ’¦ an πŸ‘Ή entire πŸ‘ movie, πŸŽ₯ but πŸ‘ in πŸ‘ the πŸ‘ emoji πŸ˜‚ movie πŸŽ₯ that's 😦 just πŸ‘ the πŸ‘ world 🌎 they πŸ‘₯ live πŸ™… in, πŸ‘ and πŸ‘ yet πŸ˜‡ these πŸ‘ˆ beings πŸ‘€ don't 🚫 question 😩 it πŸ’― and πŸ‘ carry πŸ”› on πŸ”› their πŸ† lives πŸ“΄ as πŸ‘ normal... 😐 the πŸ‘ emoji πŸ˜‚ movie πŸŽ₯ takes πŸ˜‰ a πŸ‘Œ far 🌌 more πŸ— subtle πŸ™ˆ approach 😜 meaning critics probably 😻 didn't 🚫 notice the πŸ‘ strong πŸ’ͺ existential themes present πŸ’² in πŸ‘ the πŸ‘ film upon πŸ‘¦ first πŸ‘† viewing.
twitch chat
July 2017

Emoji Pasta

Shut your eyes and listen closely

twitchquotes: Shut your eyes and listen closely. Do you feel it? The gentle clicks of a finely crafted keyboard massaging your eardrums? The soft soothing moan that comes from a man that has seen the inside of his attic and understands many things? The jovial chuckles awakening memories of the trips with the family to your uncle's barn on a mild summer evening when you were a kid? That is what Kripp's stream is to me. I am at peace.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Please wake up, we miss you

twitchquotes: If you’re reading this, you’ve been in coma for almost 20 years now. We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope it works. Please wake up, we miss you.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Classic

Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020
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