[Copypasta] I(21M) am convinced that my(20F) wife's pet rabbit thinks my wife is his mate, it is ruining our marriage

It all started when I was dating my wife. I met her four years ago and we have been dating all 4 years. She has had the rabbit since before I met her. The little bastard is old and saggy and partially blind. Some parts of his body is missing patches of fur because he pulls it out to make a nest for himself and my wife. When we met the rabbit was not a major issue. It would scratch and bite at me but my wife assured me he was just nervous to have another person in her apartment as my wife and the rabbit lived alone since my wife was 18. We have been married one year now and the rabbit is wreaking havoc on our marriage but my wife refuses to do anything because to her the rabbit is her baby and she loves it more than anything. When I first moved in the rabbit did not do much to me or us other than the previously mentioned bites and scratches but he shows my wife too much affection for just a owner. We will be doing anything and she will have the rabbit with her on top of her chest on her breasts licking them and her face. She will not put it down at all whenever she is home with it. We eat dinner, he is there, she goes to the bathroom, he comes with, she is showering? He waits outside for her, watching her nude in the shower. Wife does not even let me in the bathroom with her. It has gone to the point where whenever I show my wife affection the rabbit seeks revenge on me. Sometimes not immediately but at times he does attack me on the spot when I kiss my wife. Sometimes I find little tiny brown balls, his shit in my closet. Another thing is that she lets the little shit roam free all day but nighttime and when we are making love. This was not previously the case but after an accident during lovemaking and much long conversations I convinced my wife to put the rabbit in its cage when we are making love. But now whenever I am making love to my wife, like clockwork, the little shit knows what we are doing and screams at the top of its lungs until my wife abandons what she is doing, even nude and comes to the smug little shits rescue. He is doing this out of pure spite. I am aware that rabbits only scream when very stressed or in danger but he is in his huge cage because my wife spoils him only during night and when we make love, I swear he is doing this to ruin our marriage. He thinks my wife is his mate and wants to get rid of me. I have scars all over my body from bites and scratches and my life refuses to do anything about the rabbit or how much time she spends with it. We are in couples therapy and our marriage is very rocky. What do I do?
May 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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My poop story

twitchquotes: My poop story. I lived in a dookie (pun on purpose) apartment complex in a college town, literally $300 a month, on a river in the south. So a small and always very high maintenance team worked for them. They showed up (stoned) and were changing everyone’s filters. Heard. Ok come in. I had a particularly funky little caesars pizza not an hour before the incident. We were making small talk and such as these things tend to linger, I suddenly felt a disturbance in my lower gut (bubbleguts). I felt confident in my distance from the maintenance guy that I got squeeze out a fart and then distract him into another room. This was no fart. At slightest bit of effort I put towards this fart a flood of terrible pizza diarrhea shot out of my ass like a goddamn rocket. As I was staring this man in the eye. I was staring another human being in the eyes...while I pooed my pants. To this day not only do I have no clue if he knew or not but I would still pay thousands of dollars to just see my face when that happened. That is my poop story.
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June 2019

Howling Wolf

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠁⠸⢳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⢸⠸⠀⡠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠃⠀⠀⢠⣞⣀⡿⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡖⠁⠀⠀⠀⢸⠈⢈⡇⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠩⢠⡴⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡶⠉⠀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠎⢠⣇⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢀⠄⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠏⠀⢸⣿⣴⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣆⣀⢾⢟⠴⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠠⣄⠸⢹⣦⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⢋⡟⠀⠀⠁⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠁⢠⠀⣿⠃⠘⢹⣦⢠⣼⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣴⠫⠤⣶⣿⢀⡏⠀⠀⠘⢸⡟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠐⠿⢿⣿⣤⣴⣿⣣⢾⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣨⣟⡍⠉⠚⠹⣇⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢦⠀⠀⢀⡀⣾⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⠟⣹⣧⠃⠀⠀⢿⢻⡀⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣦⡀⣸⣆⠀⣾⣧⣯⢻⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠘⣰⣿⣿⡄⡆⠀⠀⠀⠳⣼⢦⡘⣄⠀⠀⡟⡷⠃⠘⢶⣿⡎⠻⣆⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡟⡿⢿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠀⠻⢯⢷⣼⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⡄⡈⢆⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⢹⢿⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠛⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠼⠇⠁
January 2024

Give me a second guys, Dex says

twitchquotes: "Give me a second, guys," Dex says. "Gotta hit up the mailman" He turns down the volume on his bork, and immediately gives Kripp a swift kick down the stairs. As Kripp yelps loudly in pain, Dex overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this delivery!" as loudly as he can. Fey tries to calm him down, but Dex swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Dex wipes the blood off of his snout, sits back down at his ball, and resumes being a good doggy
twitch chat
January 2019
Kripp

I hate JoJo

I fucking hate JoJo. Every subreddit I go through has a vermin-like underclass of JoJo fanboys. They all just have to say “iS THat A JOJo ReFErEncE??!!!1” on every fucking post that contains a single word that may have been used in the shitty comics. Oh, a suspicious link? Probably a rickroll. NOPE!!! They’ve ruined that, too! One of the oldest goddamn internet traditions shat on and ruined by JoJo fanboys. Thunder Cross Split Attack! So fucking funny, right? I’m wheezing! NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about your shitty comic series. Dio is a stupid character from a stupid comic series. I downvote every post and comment that mentions JoJo, out of pure bloodcurdling rage. I want to detonate a MASSIVE thermonuclear warhead right on top of whatever godforsaken studio publishes that stinking-pile-of-trash comic. Frankly, I don’t even care for the civilian casualties, either. At least they died for a good reason. Unlike JoJo fans, I actually contribute to the betterment of mankind, instead of spamming shitty references on the internet. Every JoJo fan that dies a slow, painful death is a win in my book. I have claimed over a dozen of them already, too. I annihilated their skulls with my fists. Their stupid ice attack didn’t do shit for them either. They dies like they lived, pathetic excuses for humans. I hope more people hear my message and declare war on JoJo. If nobody helps me, I will do as much damage as I possibly can before I die. Thank you.
February 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Approximately 108 billion people have lived on this planet. Who asked?

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November 2021

Who Asked?

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