[Copypasta] which position would you be in a human centipede?

When asked "which position would you be in a human centipede?" most would answer "first." I, however would answer third. Why you ask? When asked "which position would you be in a human centipede?" most would answer "first." I, however, would answer third. Why you ask? When the first member of the centipede is fed, they will eventually defecate forcing the second member to ingest their feces. One could imagine that would be considered incredibly disgusting. As such, the second member would immediately vomit. After vomit travels into the first member's anus and up into their colon, they'll then pust another load into the second member's mouth even more disgusting than the last. The third member would never ingest the feces of the second member as they will always vomit what the first member expels back into them. The third member of the centipede gets to chill while the first and second trade a volley of shitty barf with each other forever.
May 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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President's Day Emoji Pasta PresiDICK's Day

Happy PresiDICK’S 🍆🍌🌽 DAY‼️ Time ⏰⏰ to honor the DADDIES 👬👬 of our nation 🇺🇸🇺🇸 George SLUTsington 👯👯, Benjamin SPANKlin👋🍑, John HanCOCK 🍆🌽💦💦💦 These POUNDING 🔨⚒ fathers ERECTED ⬆️⬆️ their 😻📃CUNTstitutional dongs 😍🍌for LADY LIBERTY 🗽👅🙀 Raise that ASS 🍑 to 💦💦 Abraham LinCUM 💦💦, 🌲 WOODrow Wilson 😏🌲😉, Bill CLIT-on 👌👈, and the CUMmander in chief, 👦🍆👀BarCOCK Obama 👦🍆👀 Don’t forget Dwight D. EisenWHORE 👀😩 DICKlared war 🔫💣 on those CUMMIES 💦💂💂 Share in ♋️ SUCKonds or you won’t be pounding 🔨that presidential PUSSY 🙀🙀 Get 5️⃣ back and ur a White House HOE 🏠 Get 🔟 back and ur the SUCKretary of state 📔😙🇺🇸 Get 20 back and the First Lady will make u moan 😩😩💦💦💦💦💦 HAPPY JIZZIDENT’S DAY!! Hail to the CHEEKS 🍑🍑🍑
February 2024

President's Day

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

xQc schnoze

⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠧⣛⣛⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣭⣭⣽⣿⣿⣷⢬⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⢀⠀⣤⣴⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣛⣿⣯⣭⡿⣯⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠂⢈⣴⣿⢋⣛⣿⣿⣿⠿⣋⣽⣿⠿⢛⠩⢍⣂⣴⣦⣀⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⣷⣿⣿⣿⣛⣽⠟⣩⣴⣿⢋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠋⠏⣿⠋⠀⠔⣶⠟⠉⠀⠂⠀⠉⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣰⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⣦⣄⣤⣿⡃⠀⢃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⡶⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢿⣿⣧⣦⢻⣿⣿⣿⣆⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠿⠟⠋⣡⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⡯⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣼⣿⣬⠻⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⣿⠂⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠻⣿⣿⣿⠉⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢿⣿⣿⠀⣠⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣶⣄⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠟⡴⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
April 2019
xQcOW

AITA for not telling my wife about all the hitchhikers I killed in the 70s?

Back when I (68M) was a young and dumb twenty-something, I spent a few carefree years in Southern California raping, torturing, and murdering hitchhikers. I don't want any judgement from SJWs about this, please, if you didn't live in Cali in the 1970s, you wouldn't understand. It was just what we did back in those days. Eventually I grew up, got married, had three beautiful kids, and was content to just get off to my trophies and polaroids, and maybe kill the occasional drifter on special occasions. The other day, my wife (37F) found the hidden panel in my basement wall where I keep all the old memories, and she went ballistic. I tried to calm her down, explained that, firstly, they were all dudes, so she shouldn't exactly be getting jealous. Second, they're all dead, so it's not like she's going to have to worry about me leaving her for any of them. Third, there were like three or four other guys doing the same thing around then, and they took the credit for most of my kills. I was very careful, covered my tracks, rarely finished inside them. I don't know why she's got her knickers in such a twist. Quite frankly, I'm feeling really hurt about the whole thing. We've been together for nearly thirty years, and she's thinking about leaving me over something like this? Maybe I should have been more honest, but I was raised to see this as men's business, not something you involve your old lady in. Am I the asshole?
August 2021

AITA

Seraphine is real. I don’t care what you want to say

twitchquotes: Seraphine is real. I don’t care what you want to say. Seraphine isn’t “imaginary.” She posts real tweets, feels real emotions, makes real music... All you trolls are MALDING because she doesn’t reply to your tweet comments probably. Not me though.. I have full faith in her. That’s why she replied to me a couple days ago when I congratulated her.. she literally replied? And said thanks??
twitch chat
November 2020

League of Legends

Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger

twitchquotes: Attention all Smash Bros Gamers, Kirby is in great danger, and he needs YOUR help to save all the innocent characters murdered and possessed by Galeem. To do this, he needs a Warp Star and a couple of Maximum Tomatoes. To help him, all he needs is your credit card number, the three numbers on the back, and the expiration month and date. But you gotta be quick so that Kirby can secure the Spirits, and save billions of video game characters you know and love!
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing