Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth JPOW The Wise? I thought not. Itโs not a story the Motley Fool would tell you. Itโs a ๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐ป legend. Darth JPOW was a Dark Lord of the FED, so gay and such a bear he could use his money printer to influence the economy to create inflationโฆ He had such a knowledge of the economy that he could even keep stonk prices from falling. The dark side of the economy is a pathway to many abilities some consider to beโฆ transitory. He became so powerfulโฆ the only thing he was afraid of was losing his tendies, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught Nancy Pelosi everything he knew, then she sold at the top. Ironic. He could save others from market corrections, but not himself.
I used to be a real ad
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Stimulus talks going well in 2946
The year is 2946, Robot Mitch McConnel and Cyborg Nancy Pelosi report stimulus talks going well.
The Dow rewards them and hits 6.02 x 1023.
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Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K
Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
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Jeff Bezos vs Elon Musk
Jeff Bezos
-Bald
-Exwife took half his networth
-Second richest person
Elon Musk
-Grew back full head of hair
-Has girlfriend, allegedly had a threesome with Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne
-Richest person
TSLA > AMZN
WallStreetBets
Classic
Stonks only go up. But you don't.
You watch her as she brushes her hair. Sheโs humming a song you canโt quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you.
She turns. โWhat do you want for Christmas?โ You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. โNothing, really.โ
โNothing?โ She crawls into bed and touches your leg. โAre you sure?โ Again, you wonder why this person chose you.
As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. Theyโll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, โWhatโs wrong?โ
Stonks only go up.
But you donโt.
WallStreetBets
Bullish market makes me hard
When the stocks ๐๐ go up ๐๐ธ, my dick goes too ๐โฌ๏ธ๐ณ. Bullish ๐ market ๐ฌ makes me hard ๐ฆด๐ฆ. All the countries ๐ณ๏ธ๐ด๐ดโโ ๏ธ๐๐ฉ๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐บ๐ณ try to recover ๐ from corona ๐ฆ so the money ๐ฐ๐ต๐ธ flows ๐ฌ into my pocket ๐ณ. Soon ๐ there will be a crash ๐๐ญ๐ฅบ๐ and the bears ๐ป will crawl ๐ผ out of their holes ๐ณ. Then they cut off my greedy dick โ๏ธ๐๐ฉธ if I donโt โ eat โem out ๐
๐ธ. I must turn into a bear ๐โก๏ธ๐ป and make ๐ค๐ผ more money ๐ฐ๐ต๐ธ and eat some honey ๐ป๐ฏ. When Iโm done โ
Iโll throw a party ๐๐ท๐พ and eat your ass ๐
๐.