TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass
Last night my wife and I were getting hot and heavy, and began having sex. During sex, I decided to put in a little spanking.
This is where things got weird.
As I slapped her ass in the heat of the moment, she bursts out with “yes daddy, spank me harder!” (To preface I knew she had some serious daddy issues)This initially was a turn on, but after a few seconds all I could think of was disciplining my daughter and my face went sour. I stopped immediately and felt awkward. She responded with “what’s wrong daddy, did you not punish me enough?”
I walked out of the room and told her I needed a minute. Now I don’t think I can ever have sex again.
TL;DR slapped my wife’s ass, called me daddy, now I can only think about disciplining my daughter and don’t know if I can ever have sex again
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas
Sandown being investigated by the FBI
twitchquotes:
༼▀ل͜▀༽ The FBI is currently investigating a possible DDOS attack against Kripparian. It is believed that Sandown masterminded this attack against Kripparian's stream, in order to steal his viewers and promote his own streaming career. It is estimated that Kripparian has lost tens of millions of dollars in the DDOS attack, which Sandown allegedly had executed. Sandown refused to comment on the event when reporters swarmed his house, but he later released a brief statement denying the allegation. Kripparian spoke out later that night stating that he intends to sue Sandown if it is proven that he did commit this cyber crime. ༼▀ل͜▀༽
twitch chat
Kripp
Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.
This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
WallStreetBets
Am I The Asshole?
Pokemon Marathon Season 2 Intermission
twitchquotes:
HOLD IT HOW PREDICTABLE THIS IS BORING NOT MY SHOULDER VERY SCARY-O THIS IS BORING AGAIN UNINTELLIGENT ?????? WANNA SHARE MY BLANKET
HOLD IT HOW PREDICTABLE THIS IS BORING NOT MY SHOULDER VERY SCARY-O THIS IS BORING AGAIN UNINTELLIGENT ?????? WANNA SHARE MY BLANKET
twitch chat
Pokemon Marathon 2018
I put my cursor over Kripp's and pretend we're holding hands
twitchquotes:
(◕‿◕✿) sometimes... when i have a bad day.... I put my cursor over Kripp's and pretend that we're holding hands (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
Kripp
Classic
Iron Man v2
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢄⢄⠢⡠⡀⢀⠄⡀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠡⠄⠉⠻⣻⣟⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⢣⠣⡎⡪⢂⠊⡜⣔⠰⡐⠠⠄⡾⠄⠈⠠⡁⡂⠄⠔⠸⣻⣿⣿⣯⢂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⢰⡱⣝⢕⡇⡪⢂⢊⢪⢎⢗⠕⢕⢠⣻⠄⠄⠄⠂⠢⠌⡀⠄⠨⢚⢿⣿⣧⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡐⡈⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡧⣟⢼⣕⢝⢬⠨⡪⡚⡺⡸⡌⡆⠜⣾⠄⠄⠄⠁⡐⠠⣐⠨⠄⠁⠹⡹⡻⣷⡕⢄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢄⠇⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣻⣕⢗⠵⣍⣖⣕⡼⡼⣕⢭⢮⡆⠱⣽⡇⠄⠄⠂⠁⠄⢁⠢⡁⠄⠄⠐⠈⠺⢽⣳⣄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢔⢕⢌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⣾⢯⢳⠹⠪⡺⡺⣚⢜⣽⣮⣳⡻⡇⡙⣜⡇⠄⠄⢸⠄⠄⠂⡀⢠⠂⠄⢶⠊⢉⡁⠨⡒⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⡨⣪⣿⢰⠈⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⣽⣵⢿⣸⢵⣫⣳⢅⠕⡗⣝⣼⣺⠇⡘⡲⠇⠄⠄⠨⠄⠐⢀⠐⠐⠡⢰⠁⠄⣴⣾⣷⣮⣇⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⡮⣷⣿⠪⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠂⠠⠄⡿⡞⡇⡟⣺⣺⢷⣿⣱⢕⢵⢺⢼⡁⠪⣘⡇⠄⠄⢨⠄⠐⠄⠄⢀⠄⢸⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆
⠄⠄⠄⢸⣺⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣖⢯⣻⡑⢕⢭⢷⣻⣽⡾⣮⡳⡵⣕⣗⡇⠡⡣⣃⠄⠄⠸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣵⡿⣹
⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣟⣯⢄⢤⢲⣺⣻⣻⡺⡕⡔⡊⡎⡮⣿⣿⣽⡿⣿⣻⣼⣼⣺⡇⡀⢎⢨⢐⢄⡀⠄⢁⠠⠄⠄⠐⠄⠣⠄⠸⣿⣿⣯⣷⣿
⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⢽⠲⡑⢕⢵⢱⢪⡳⣕⢇⢕⡕⣟⣽⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⢜⢜⢬⡳⣝⢸⣢⢀⠄⠄⠐⢀⠄⡀⠆⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⢽⣝⢎⡪⡰⡢⡱⡝⡮⡪⡣⣫⢎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠄⢄⠄⠈⠑⠑⠭⡪⡪⢏⠗⡦⡀⠐⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⡲⣝⢮⢪⢊⢎⢪⢺⠪⣝⢮⣯⢯⣟⡯⠷⠋⢀⣠⣶⣾⡿⠿⢀⣴⣖⢅⠪⠘⡌⡎⢍⣻⠠⠅⠄⠄⠈⠢⠄⠄⠙⠿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⢺⢍⢎⢎⢪⡪⡮⣪⣿⣞⡟⠛⠋⢁⣠⣶⣿⡿⠛⠋⢀⣤⢾⢿⣕⢇⠡⢁⢑⠪⡳⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢑⠤⢀⢠
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣟⣮⡳⣭⢪⡣⡯⡮⠗⠋⠁⠄⠄⠈⠿⠟⠋⣁⣀⣴⣾⣿⣗⡯⡳⡕⡕⡕⡡⢂⠊⢮⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠐⠨⢁⠨
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠯⠽⠐⠁⠁⢀⡀⣤⢖⣽⢿⣦⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢎⠇⡪⣸⡪⡮⠊⠄⠌⠎⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡂⢁⠉⡀
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠚⠒⠵⣶⣶⣶⣶⢪⢃⢇⠏⡳⡕⣝⢽⡽⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣺⠰⡱⢜⢮⡟⠁⠄⠄⠅⠅⢂⠐⠄⠐⢀⠄⠄⠄⠂⡁⠂
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⠄⠐⢒⣠⣿⣟⢖⠅⠆⢝⢸⡪⡗⡅⡯⣻⣺⢯⡷⡯⡏⡇⡅⡏⣯⡟⠄⠄⠄⠨⡊⢔⢁⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⢕⢇⢣⢸⢐⢇⢯⢪⢪⠢⡣⠣⢱⢑⢑⠰⡸⡸⡇⠁⠄⠄⠠⡱⠨⢘⠄⠂⡀⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣟⣝⢔⢅⠸⡘⢌⠮⡨⡪⠨⡂⠅⡑⡠⢂⢇⢇⢿⠁⠄⢀⠠⠨⡘⢌⡐⡈⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣯⢢⢊⢌⢂⠢⠑⠔⢌⡂⢎⠔⢔⢌⠎⡎⡮⡃⢀⠐⡐⠨⡐⠌⠄⡑⠄⢂⠐⢀⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣯⠂⡀⠔⢔⠡⡹⠰⡑⡅⡕⡱⠰⡑⡜⣜⡅⡢⡈⡢⡑⡢⠁⠰⠄⠨⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⢿⣿⣷⣢⢱⠡⡊⢌⠌⡪⢨⢘⠜⡌⢆⢕⢢⢇⢆⢪⢢⡑⡅⢁⡖⡄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⢿⣿⣵⡝⣜⢐⠕⢌⠢⡑⢌⠌⠆⠅⠑⠑⠑⠝⢜⠌⠠⢯⡚⡜⢕⢄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣷⡣⣇⠃⠅⠁⠈⡠⡠⡔⠜⠜⣿⣗⡖⡦⣰⢹⢸⢸⢸⡘⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠋⢍⣠⡤⡆⣎⢇⣇⢧⡳⡍⡆⢿⣯⢯⣞⡮⣗⣝⢎⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⣿⣿⣎⢦⠣⠳⠑⠓⠑⠃⠩⠉⠈⠈⠉⠄⠁⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⡿⡞⠁⠄⠄⢀⠐⢐⠠⠈⡌⠌⠂⡁⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢂⢂⢀⠡⠄⣈⠠⢄⠡⠒⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠢⠠⠊⠨⠐⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄