[Copypasta] Please stop spamming, for Bernard

twitchquotes: Guys please stop spamming. My dog, Bernard, looked at my chat and got so dizzy because of the spam that he fell down and hit his noggin right on his food bowl! He couldn't talk for hours. Please stop spamming, for Bernard.
twitch chat
December 2014

Classic

I used to be a real ad
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Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Don't ever smoke

twitchquotes: My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your stream gave me cancer anyway.
twitch chat
January 2020

Classic

Uninstalling valorant

UNINSTALLING VALORANT โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–ข ใ€€ใ€€โ•ญโ”โ•ฎโ•ญโ”โ•ฎโ•ญโ•ฎใ€€โ•ฑ ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€โ•ฐโ”โ”ซโ•ฐโ”โ”ซโ•ฐโ•ฏโ•ฑโ•ญโ•ฎ ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€โ•ฐโ”โ•ฏโ•ฐโ”โ•ฏใ€€โ•ฑใ€€โ•ฐโ•ฏ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ COMPLETE
ascii art
June 2021

Valorant

Classic

Somewhere in a parallel universe, Reynad isn't salty

twitchquotes: โ˜…ใ€€ใ€€โ˜… ยฐ โ˜พ โ˜† ยธ. ยธ ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข โ—‹ ยฐ โ˜…ใ€€ .ใ€€ *ใ€€.ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ ยฐ ใ€€ยธ. * โ— ยธ .ใ€€...somewhereใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ยฐ โ˜พ ยฐ ใ€€ยธ. โ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข ยฐ ใ€€ .ใ€€ *ใ€€:.ใ€€.in a parallel universe* โ— ยธ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ยฐ โ˜พ ยฐโ˜† ใ€€. * ยธ.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€โ˜… ยฐ . .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€โ˜พ ยฐโ˜† ใ€€. * โ— ยธ ..Reynad...ยฐ โ˜พใ€€โ˜… ยฐโ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข โ—‹ ยฐ โ˜…ใ€€ .ใ€€ * Isn't salty โ˜พใ€€โ˜… ยฐโ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ
twitch chat
July 2014
Reynad

Classic

Hearthstone

salty

HELLO 911 JAKE IS IN MY ROOM

twitchquotes: 4Head HELLO 911 ๐Ÿ“ž 4Head JAKE IS IN MY ROOM ๐Ÿ“ž 4Head HE HAS A PULSE BOMB ๐Ÿ“ž 4Head WHATS THAT? ๐Ÿ“ž 4Head ILL BE OKAY? ๐Ÿ“ž 4Head
twitch chat
April 2018
OverwatchLeague

Classic

Overwatch

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