[Copypasta] A navy seal trained in gorilla warfare

twitchquotes: Please do not copy and paste this copypasta. It is my original copypasta and is protected by copyright law. If I see anyone pasting my intellectual property without permission, a navy seal trained in gorilla warfare will smite you.
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September 2015
I used to be a real ad
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Just seen Biden in a hotel

twitchquotes: Just seen Biden in a hotel and I asked how he was feeling about the election. He laughed and winked at me, then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into a toilet and spat in my mouth while whispering “count every vote” over and over in my ear. Make of that what you will.
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November 2020

2020 US Election

Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum?

Can we keep the sexual posts to a fucking minimum guys? My parents stumbled on this sub the other day and now I'm not even allowed to access Reddit anymore because of the sex talk they saw in here. This is not a peepee, poopoo and vajayjay fun house. We are not heathens whose only role in life is to fornicate and laugh about fornication and then ejaculate that nonsense, spurting and spewing this so called "humor" on each other like animals. This is a place of worship. Meme worship. God is not pleased with you all. Repent.
January 2021

I've become so much like Eren Jaeger, it's scary.

I've become so much like Eren Jaeger, it's scary. I wear black cardigans, verbally assault women, and physically assault my friends. When I look in the mirror, I can't help but say "戦い, 戦い" (which means fight, fight in american.) I grew my hair out long because I don't care so now I have to wear it in a bun and I don't care what people think so shut fuck up Hange! I always leave an open wound on my hand, and go out of my way to show it to everyone so they are reminded that I am in control. When I see dogs being taken on walks I get mad at them for not being free like I am. I can't have sex with my girlfriend anymore without forcing her to dress up as Mikasa or Historia, both of whom remind me of Armin. When I order fast food, I refuse to call them french fries and insist on calling them freedom fries. I just keep moving forward, until my enemies are destroyed.
April 2022

Anime

Weebs

Attack on Titan

Kiwi's Father, Pineapple

twitchquotes: Imaqtpie, this is Kiwis father, Pineapple, I must ask you to wake Kiwi up ASAP, otherwise he will be late for kindergarten! Do it preferably with a loud scream. Pls no fruiterino pasterino
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July 2014
imaqtpie

AITA for saving a child from a dangerous situation?

I know this sounds bad, but hear me out. Earlier this month, I was walking home from the store as usual. I began smelling a feint burning smell and I heard muffled shouting ahead. I picked up the pace to discover the commotion. A building was on fire and a small child was standing by the second story window shrieking for help as flames rose behind him. Luckily, I had been doing parkour ever since I was a teen so I climbed up to his window and reached out to grab the child. He reached out for me as well and I hoisted him down on my back. When we reached the ground the child ran to his parents and they thanked me while hugging him. Later today I was visiting a friend in prison who happens to be serving a sentence for attempted murder of many children. He said I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have saved the kid from the burning building. Ever since, I can’t help but feel like kind of an asshole so I would appreciate to hear a third persons perspective on this. So reddit, AITA?
January 2022

Am I The Asshole?

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