[Copypasta] A navy seal trained in gorilla warfare

twitchquotes: Please do not copy and paste this copypasta. It is my original copypasta and is protected by copyright law. If I see anyone pasting my intellectual property without permission, a navy seal trained in gorilla warfare will smite you.
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September 2015
I used to be a real ad
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Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

At least you have a life

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Kripp, you may suck at Hearthstone but at least you have a girlfriend. I bet these people beating you have no life (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Ben Shapiro LEGO city

Now, let’s say, hypothetically, that a man has fallen into the river, in LEGO City. That would lead us to look at the facts and realize that it would be time to start the new rescue helicopter, due to the HEY! This would mean that we’d build the helicopter, and logically would be off to the rescue. I would, hypothetically, prepare the lifeline, which would proceed with me lowering the stretcher. Which makes sense, seeing as I would be making the rescue. So now I must pose the question, why do liberals hate the new Emergency Collection from LEGO City?
December 2020

Lego City

Ben Shapiro

Santana Banana Macaroni

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ Mʀ. Pɪᴇ I ᴀᴍ Mᴀʀɪᴏ Rɪɢᴀᴛᴏɴᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ Pᴀsᴛᴀʀᴏɴɪ ɪɴᴅᴜsᴛʀɪᴇs I ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘᴀsᴛᴀ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇ ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀᴅᴄ ᴘʟᴀʏ I ᴄᴀʟʟ ɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀɴᴛᴀɴᴀ ʙᴀɴᴀɴᴀ ᴍᴀᴄᴀʀᴏɴɪ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ Rᴀᴠɪᴏʟɪ ʟɪɴɢᴜɪɴɪ ᴘᴀsᴛᴀʀɪɴᴏ
twitch chat
April 2014
imaqtpie

His name was Norman Reedus

I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus.
April 2021
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