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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ FLIP THAT TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) FLIP THIS TABLE. ┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻ FLIP ALL THE TABLES ಠ_ಠ Son... ಠ_ಠ Put. ಠ__ಠ The tables. ಠ___ಠ Back. (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!!!!
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I used to be a real ad
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Reynad Rick Harrison
twitchquotes:
I'm Reynad and this is my stream. I work here with my nazi mods and my boyfriend, Jeff. Every game on this stream is bullshit RNG and pure salt. One thing I've learned after 4 years - you never know WHAT will trigger me next. 
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Reynad
Rick Harrison
What's that?
twitchquotes:
"Octavian," weeps a heartbroken Rania, "we need to talk. I'm not happy anymore. Your frail, vegan body no longer satisfies me. I asked you for a child, and all you gave me was this mangy mutt. Well, I've got news for you. I'm pregnant, and I bet you know who the father is. That's right, it's Tanner from Foot Locker. I'm leaving you, Octavian, you've ruined everything. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Kripp lifts the headphone off his ear and glances in Rania's direction. "What's that?"
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Kripp
That's the power of cargo pants
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Excuse me? Cargo pants, motherfucker. My pockets have pockets. You can't stop the storage. And when it gets too hot, just unzip and remove the lower half of the legs. Utility, motherfuckers. Want me to hold your phone for a second? how about I hold one of every phone on the market, each with their own individual pocket. Want me to hold your souvenir from your vacation to Europe? How about I put Europe in my pocket. That's the power of cargo pants, motherfuckers
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I'm a teacher but I'm treated like I'm a streamer
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I'm a teacher, middle school ages, we have a gaming club in our school. Most of the kids are vocal about watching Twitch, who their favorite streamers are and when playing games the would suggest who to watch to get better at a game, e.g. watch Hashinshin to improve at League etc. Now when the kids come to the gaming club they no longer ask about games, they all just chant 'Miss, get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads' or 'Miss, I'll pay you a dollar to show me your feet' or 'Miss, how much too see your butthole' or 'Miss, I'll gift 50 subs if you get your tits out now' or 'Miss, the lads need those big juicy milf titties out' or 'Miss, get your tits out or I'll bring a gun to school tomorrow'. It's getting a bit tiresome, will Twich Tv ever do anything about this epidemic?
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I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.