[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Kripp from the future

twitchquotes: BibleThump HEY ITS KRIPP FrOM the future here trying to tell you to stop playing this childrens game while you can. IF NOT you will play this game for 40 years in a row and it will take a toll on your health. i have been declared clinacly insane and have been staying at a looney bin forced to eat meat everyday BibleThump
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

It was dinner time in the Cloud Nein Gamer house

twitchquotes: It was dinner time in the Cloud Nein Gaymer house. Zachary “Sneaky” Scuderi dishes up a steaming plate of pasta when he realizes he forgot the meat. William “Meteos” Hartman looks up from his plate with a gleam in his eye. “I got the meat right here for you baby.” Lubing up with Marinara Sauce, Meteos begins to pound his sausage into sneaky’s lightly buttered dinner roll. With a scream of delight Meat-eos releases his load calling an end to another successful team dinner.
twitch chat
July 2015
Sneaky

KappaPride

League of Legends

UNO reverse

⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂ ⠄⠄⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⡀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⣉⣉⣉⡉⠙⠻⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣇⠔⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠹⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⠃⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⡿⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⡿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⣠⣄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢀⡴⠚⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢠⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠃⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⠴⠋⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠈⠁⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢀⣾⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣆⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠠⠺⣷⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣦⣄⣈⣉⣉⣉⣡⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠁⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡿⠟⠄⠄ ⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
February 2019

Classic

Response to someone correcting spelling

whats that? holy shit. holy fucking shit. you fucking genius. did you actually just correct someone's spelling? you fucking madlad. i can't believe i just witnessed one of the greatest achievements in human history right now. i think im gonna cry, im so excited. to be honest, i would suck your dick to reward you for your HUGE contribution to the human race if the line wasnt so long. you know what? fuck it. ill let you fuck my wife. ill pay you to fuck her. only for the slim chance that one of her kids will have a small part of your magnificent iq. ill mortgage my fucking house just so you could have 15 minutes with her, while hoping that your MASSIVE cock won't rip her in half. after that, we should start a religion for you. fuck jesus, the only thing this dick did is resurrect himself. you are entitled to the praise he's getting. we should make you immortal. losing you would mean stopping the human evolution and we would all revert to monkeys, not that we are more than monkeys in your majestic presence. I suggest we go to the UN and tell them to hand over all their authority to you, im sure you can unite all the people of the world just with a single swing of your cock, making the entire population wet in the process. just before that one more thing: can you shut the fuck up? nobody cares about that fucking typo you single chromosomed retarded gnome. I bet you think you are so fucking smart and witty after pointing something that didnt bother anyone. God, you are fucking pretentious, i bet you actually believed all of the text above. Did you think i would let you fuck my wife? She is only 12 you sick paedophile. Im calling the police so you could be tortured for eternity while your remains will be forcibly fed to everybody from your family or anyone even remotely related to you while they are forced to anally fuck a penguin. no, seriously do you think i'm joking? i'll come to your house and fuck your ass with a cactus. not that you would feel it after all the things you already had up there. you're a fucking twat that doesnt contribute to society and you deserve to die slowly.
October 2021

She sells sea shells on the sea shore

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they’re rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island Stockpile 'em high until they’re rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven’t got a shell, then you're just a fucking wasteman Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly "Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand Clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit yourself? She sells seashells, sell oil as well Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks Sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes Then run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave, that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarise the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours Step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore
April 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing