[Copypasta] A single Dongerbill can save a life

twitchquotes: Hello, I'm Sarah McLanchdong. Every day millions of poor, helpless dongers go unraised everyday. Dongers that are abused and negated, like this poor fellow ༼ ▀̿ ̿ ل͟ຈ ༽. For just one Dongerbill [̲$̲(̲ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲)̲$̲] a day we can help save these forgotten dongers (◉_☢) ༼ ͝°ʖಠ ༽ ( ͡°ل͜ º) from a life time of being lowered. Your there only hope, because just a minute of your time and a single Dongerbill [̲$̲(̲ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲)̲$̲] can save a life.
twitch chat
November 2014

Classic

I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked...

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out
March 2017

Classic

You've been gnomed

████████▓▓████████▓▓█████████████
██████▓▓█████████████▓███████████
█████▓███████████████▓███████████
████▓█████████████████▒██████████
████▓▓▓▒░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██████████
████▒▒░▒▒░▒▒▗▒▒▒▒▒▒▗▒▒▒██████████
████▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒██████████
████░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█████████
█████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▃▒░░░▒▃▒▒███████████
██████▓▒▒▒▒▒▃▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▃░▒▒█████████
███████▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░██████████
█████████▒░░░░░░░░░░░░░██████████
██████████░▒░░░░░░░░░░██▓▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▓
▓▓█████████████▒░░░▒████▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▒▓
▒▒▒▒▒▒▓███████████████████▒░░▒▒▒█
▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▒▒█████████████▒████░▒████
█▒▒▒▓▓▒▒▒████████████▒███████████
███▓▒▓▓▒█████████████████████████
░░█▀▀░░█▄░█░█▀▀█░█▄░▄█░█▀▀░█▀▄
░░█░▀█░█░▀█░█░░█░█░▀░█░█▀▀░█░█
░░▀▀▀░░▀░░▀░▀▀▀▀░▀░░░▀░▀▀▀░▀▀░
October 2018

Classic

Nacho cheese torpedo

twitchquotes: Guys, please don't spam. My daughter made a macaroni dinosaur in school and it passes its days pasted to my laptop screen. When too many messages show up it starts turning into a nacho cheese torpedo. God bless, thanks for understanding.
twitch chat
June 2016

Classic

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

Greetings Kripp, I am Dr. Hannibal Lector

twitchquotes: ༼ つ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡° ༽つ Greetings Kripp, I am Dr. Hannibal Lector, renowned Psychiatrist based in Baltimore, Maryland. I have heard you are the saltiest man alive, I am intrigued by a man of your... tastes. I would like to invite you for... dinner. ༼ つ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡° ༽つ
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Classic

salty

Text-to-Speech Playing