I used to be a real ad
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Dadnad and Momnad

twitchquotes: hello son, Dadnad here. Please don't waste your life away in front of that computer playing some card game. Text that girl, Lea, and play that guitar for her. Did I ever tell you that's how I woo'd Momnad? Kids these days, don't let me down, son.
twitch chat
May 2014
Reynad

United Chat of Kripperica

twitchquotes: Wᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ sᴘᴀᴍᴍᴇʀs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴛ, ɪɴ Oʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ғᴏʀᴍ ᴀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴘᴇʀғᴇᴄᴛ Dᴏɴɢᴇʀ, ᴇsᴛᴀʙʟɪsʜ sᴘᴀᴍ, ɪɴsᴜʀᴇ ɴᴏ ᴍɪssᴇᴅ ʟᴇᴛʜᴀʟ, ᴘʀᴏᴠɪᴅᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ OJ, ᴘʀᴏᴍᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀɴᴅ sᴇᴄᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Bʟᴇssɪɴɢs ᴏғ ᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ sᴀᴠɪᴏʀ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴜʀ ʏᴏᴜɴɢᴇʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs, ᴅᴏ ᴏʀᴅᴀɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇsᴛᴀʙʟɪsʜ ᴛʜɪs Kʀɪᴘᴘsᴛɪᴛᴜᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ Uɴɪᴛᴇᴅ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ᴏғ Kʀɪᴘᴘᴇʀɪᴄᴀ
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Life is good

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Stay positiveヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ノ Kripp is excellent (◕‿◕✿) Chat is excellent ヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ノ Kitty is soft (◕‿◕✿) ヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ノ Life is good (◕‿◕✿_)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

I come to Twitch chat to discuss important geopolitical events like the Ukraine crisis

twitchquotes: You guys are ruining my chat experience. I come to the Twitch chat to discuss important geopolitical events like the ukraine crisis and it's implications on the socioeconomics of Eastern Europe. Yet here you are ruining everything with your frankerzs and kappas.
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp 🐟 Elon TechnoCuckLord 🤖+🤴 Jeff Divorcedzos 💔 Salmonella 🐔 Nutella 🍫 Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman 🤡 Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya 🍈 Ryan Cocken your butthole 🥒💦 👉👌😳 🥒 Z 🥒 U 🥒 C 🥒 C 🥒 Tim 🍎 Bottom 🅱️ENIS Jack Ma MIA 🤷‍♂️ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the 🐻s' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods 🙏✝️
March 2021

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad

Aspirations and dreams

twitchquotes: Press 1 if you once had aspirations and dreams but have now given up all hope and devolved into mindless shitposting.
twitch chat
December 2014
imaqtpie

Thinking of the greatest Hearthstone player

twitchquotes: Sometimes, late at night when I am under my covers, I touch my stealth donger and think of the greatest hearthstone player, the very best there ever was, then in a desperate attempt to not fap i think of Kripp, and that's it, donger is gone, i whisper "casual" and go back to sleep.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Marketing Director for Doritos messages Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪɴᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏs, ᴄʜᴜᴄᴋ ᴏʀᴡᴇʟʟ ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀᴋᴀ ᴄ.ᴏ. ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ. sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ sᴇʟʟᴏᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴏɴsᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇʀᴄɪᴀʟ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴛᴏsɪs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ғʀɪᴛᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴛᴏʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad

Silence the silenced watcher

twitchquotes: Silence the silenced watcher to counter the silence
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Kripp. It's Morpheus from future talking to you

twitchquotes: Hello ĸrιpp, ιт’ѕ мorpнeυѕ ғroм ғυтυre тalĸιng тo yoυ. ι нave 2 cнoιceѕ ғor yoυ, вlυe pιll or red pιll. вlυe pιll вrιngѕ yoυ lιғe, woмen, cнιleттe, dog, caт, cнιld, caѕυalιтy and no vιewerѕ. red pιll вrιngѕ yoυ nolιғe, oj, no dιѕтracтιonѕ ғroм oυтѕιde world, pro ѕтaтυѕ and vιewerѕ. cнooѕe wιѕely мιѕтer ĸrιpperѕon.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Harvest Jack Raid Shadow Legends ad

SPOOKY, you don’t wanna run into this pumpkin, harvest jack is one scary champion if you wanna see him shine put him in the arena, his fear ability turns good to bad and bad to worse. With his sythe and glowing eyes, harvest jack is scary, you want him on your side in RAID SHADOW LEGENDS, download now and play for free
May 2022

Kripp please supply the world with some salt

twitchquotes: Dear nl_Kripp with the Earth's salt mines running low near depletion. We can always rely on you for stepping up to the plate and supplying the world with some PJSalt
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Which Rogue card should I pick?

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, I'm drafting a Rogue Arena and I'm 29 cards in. Should I pick Backstab (like you backstabbed Paparrian ) Betrayal (like you betrayed Paparrian ) or Vanish (like you vanished from Paparrian)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Spam is a brand of several canned precooked meat products

twitchquotes: Spam is a brand of several canned precooked meat products made by the Hormel Foods Corporation. It was first introduced in 1937 and gained popularity worldwide after its use during World War 2
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hey Kripp this is your new fan Edward!

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp this is your new fan Edward! I've never heard of you before but I just finished watching your HILARIOUS #FAIL video and I can safely say that it was one of the funniest and most erotic videos I have ever masturbated to in my time. Please keep making them so that my left arm will continue to grow stronger every day also BTW I am left handed
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Marginally optimizing a children's game!

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, loyal fan chiming in here (for once). I think your stream is great! I would have spent my time working towards a cure for cancer, or how to automate food production in the 3rd world, but luckily i stumbled onto your stream and now I can waste my time watching you marginally optimize a children's game! What a career you have made!
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Hi Kripp, this is OJ, your long lost brother

twitchquotes: ʜɪ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴏᴊ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏɴɢ ʟᴏsᴛ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ. ɪ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠɪᴀ ᴘᴏʀɴʜᴜʙ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ɪɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴘᴀᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ ᴀ ʜᴜɢ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʟᴇᴛs ʙᴏɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴘᴏʀɴ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏʀɴʜᴜʙs, ɪ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴛᴀʀʀɪɴɢ ᴏɴᴇ... ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʀᴇᴘʟʏ ᴀsᴀᴘ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀɴ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ - ᴏᴊ.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

"Soul" in any sense, metaphorical, spiritual or religious, does not exist

"Soul" in any sense, metaphorical, spiritual or religious, does not exist. What simpletons experience, specifically in the sense of a game having a "soul" is a feeling of comfort, enjoyment and fulfillment (among other positive feelings). Those simpletons, usually rarely experience such feeling, especially outside of gaming, and cannot comprehend that non simpletons can find positive feelings and emotion in many games (as well outside of gaming). You're a prime example of such creature, and the most fascinating part is you do not even understand or comprehend how wasted and useless your mind is. Truly a wonder to behold and a warning for all parents.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing