[Copypasta] Donald of the House Trump

twitchquotes: SMOrc In the name of Donald of the House Trump SMOrc , First of his name, rightful President of the States. Lord of the 2 political parties, SMOrc Protector of the Border. I trumpW sentence you to exile. SMOrc
twitch chat
August 2015
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Ben Shapiro counts to one million

So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

I just nutted to your comment FAQ (Reddit)

I just nutted to your comment. # FAQ ## What does this mean? The amount of cum (semen) on my phone and Reddit phone has increased by one. ## Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of cum. These include, but are not limited to: • ⁠you being a femboy, • ⁠Spreading sti infections, • ⁠Sarcasm correctly flagged with a /s. ## Am I banned from the Reddit? No. But you should make comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to not cum. ## I don't believe my comment deserved a nut. Can you un-nut to it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a nut. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot your nut on me. I tend to respond to Being shot with nut within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of nut appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the nut and move on. your behavior will be nutted to on Reddit.com. I will continue to nut until you stop being so hot 😩 Remember: I’m horny uwu
June 2021

Reddit

Dear Qtpie. This is the Queen of England

twitchquotes: Dear Qtpie. This is the Queen of England. I am revoking your knighthood due to your refusal to play Sion. Furthermore, keeping any gate is henceforth considered an act of high treason. Your insolence stops here foul knave
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you?

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you? 💦😉 🧻Corona🤧 is CUMMING💦 for us and you’ve just tested 😱positive🦠 for being 💋NAUGHTY😉 🙅‍♀️Social distancing is in effect🚫 and I want to spend my 🤷‍♂️quarenTEEN🔞 with YOU 😍 So grab your 🧴isopropyl-lubricant 💦 and CUM👅 over so I can administer👩‍⚕️ your treatment😉 and inject💉 you with the vaccine🍆 We’ll spend the 🗝lockdown🔒 flattening the curve📉 and FATTENING DEM’ 👏🏿 CURVES 🍑 Get ready for 14 days of 💯THICC DICC DIAGNOSTICS😭 and sitting on my facemask😷 Send this ✉️ to covid-19 of your sloppiest 💦💦SYMPTOMATIC🤒 SLUTS🤫 If you get 5 back, you’re a Wuhan bat🦇 bitch 👎 If you get 10 back, you’re a 😉horny💄healthy💪hoe😘 If you get all 19 back👏 your ass🍑 is the ANTIDOTE💊 and it’s in high demand 👬🏿
March 2020

Emoji Pasta

Coronavirus

COVID

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing