[Copypasta] Donald of the House Trump

twitchquotes: SMOrc In the name of Donald of the House Trump SMOrc , First of his name, rightful President of the States. Lord of the 2 political parties, SMOrc Protector of the Border. I trumpW sentence you to exile. SMOrc
twitch chat
August 2015
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

3Head

⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠈⠉⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠄⠄⠘⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⡁⣤⠄⠐⠒⠒⠄⠄⣤⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠘⠛⠛⣿ ⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠉⠹⠟⠉⠉⠉⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⢰⣶⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⢻⠟⠁⢠⠃⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⠛⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣄⡀⢸⣇⣼⠉⠄⠙⠋⠉⠻⠿⣿⣛⠛⠛⢿⣧⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠘⢿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⡈⠉⠄⣠⣾⣿⡿⠁⠄⢀⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠈⠹⣿⣶⣶⣤⣌⣭⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠇⠄⠄⠄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
February 2019

Rank 11 can be tough

twitchquotes: ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʀᴀɴᴋ 11 ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ᴛᴏᴜɢʜ, sᴛᴀʏ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ʙʀᴏ. Yᴏᴜʀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ɢᴜʏs ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʀᴇ sᴏ ʟᴜᴄᴋʏ! Sᴏᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ɢᴏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴀʀᴇɴᴀ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟs ᴄᴀɴ ᴡɪɴ ɢᴀᴍᴇs. Aʜʜ ʏᴇs... ᴀʀᴇɴᴀ, ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴsᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴏɪᴄᴇ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀɴ ɪssᴜᴇ.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Unidan "jackdaw is a crow"

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
October 2021

Classic

When Kripp plays Reno warrior...

twitchquotes: Captain's log, entry 69, stardate 420. It has been 9001 days since the SS Kripp first entered into this game of hearthstone, and still there appears to be no signs of release, no way out. I fear for the lives of myself and my crew, we may all pass of old age before we are freed from this particular game.
twitch chat
November 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing