Random Copypastas Feed

What is trolling?

twitchquotes: Trolling - the mental disorder of being in-denial while not having to admit that they're truly lonely and in need of desperate attention while also being under the influence of being sarcastic and in most cases just idiotic. Trolling is also represented by just typing the Kappa emote. Kappa Pls copypaste to spread awareness Kappa
twitch chat
May 2015
imaqtpie

Please stop spamming, for Bernard

twitchquotes: Guys please stop spamming. My dog, Bernard, looked at my chat and got so dizzy because of the spam that he fell down and hit his noggin right on his food bowl! He couldn't talk for hours. Please stop spamming, for Bernard.
twitch chat
December 2014

Classic

You don't let Perfect World organize next time

twitchquotes: BrokeBack You are running Dota 2 Major. You let Perfect World organize because you think they can do it. Perfect World instantly shit on Shanghai major. Everyone lose their shit. You don't let Perfect World organize next time because you're not stupid. BrokeBack
twitch chat
February 2016
Dota Major

Dota 2

The Manny Will Not Be Televised

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠸⑆⣰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒉⣹⣿⠧⒀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β’ β β β €β €β €β ˆβ »β‘„β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β£Ύβ €β£ β ΄β Άβ Άβ †β €β Ÿβ£‰β£β‘›β †β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⒀⠀⑏⠰⒇⣿⣿⑆⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⠷⒀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀ β’ β‘žβ ‹β ‰β ™β —β €β °β ½β Ώβ …β €β €β ˜β ’β šβ ‹β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β ›β£†β € Ⓒ⑇⠛⠙⠃⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒠⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⑿⠀ β €β ™β ’β ’β’Ίβ‘‡β ™β£β ƒβ €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ™β ›β ›β ›β ‰β ‰β ‰β ‰β’»β‘‡β €β € β €β €β €β €β£Έβ €β €β ˆβ ™β “β£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ’Άβ‘Άβ Άβ Άβ €β’€β €β’€β €β €β €β’΄β Άβ šβ β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠋⣀⣉⒙⣇⣀⣀⣀⣼⠀⠸⣄⣀⣀⑼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β£Ώβ‘€β’ β‘žβ Ώβ£½β‘Ώβ’‰β‘Ώβ ‹β£€β ‰β‘‰β »β£„β €β €β ˆβ ‰β ‰β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β ‰β ‰β ‰β ™β’¦β‘€β ·β’Ώβ €β£Ύβ β£Έβ ƒβ‘Άβ’˜β‘†β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ’§β£€β‘ˆβ ‰β ‰β’‹β£™β£»β ΅β ‹β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‰β ›β ‹β ‰β ‰β €β €β €β €β €β € Oop gotta sign a petition
July 2020

Y U NO 2

β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β£ β €β ΄β Άβ ’β ’β ’β ’β ’β €β €β£€β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β‘΄β šβ ‰β ‰β β €β €β €β  β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β ‰β’™β ²β£€β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘ β šβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ €β €β €β €β‘€β €β ˆβ‘†β ˆβ‘€β €β ‰β “β’€β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β‘žβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ƒβ €β ˜β €β‘ β €β’€β €β €β ˆβ ³β‘„β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Έβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β €β β €β €β €β €β €β €β β β €β €β €β €β ˜β’¦β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’ β ‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β’β ’β ‘β£¦β£€β €β ‘β‘„β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β €β ˆβ’·β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘Žβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β €β’Ύβ‘—β‘€β β €β’˜β£€β €β’€β €β‘β‘žβ’‰β£€β’€β‘€β €β €β ˆβ’§β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β Έβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β β †β €β β „β ƒβ ‰β „β €β €β ˆβ €β ˆβ’€β£€β‘Œβ €β €β €β ˜β‘‡β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠉⠁⠀⒀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒂⠀⠀⠉⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓓ⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’ β‘‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‰β ‰β €β €β β‘¦β „β €β €β €β  β’‚β €β ’β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ‘„ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ‘‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ €β €β ‰β ƒβ €β €β’Œβ †β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ  β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ‘‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ‚β €β ˆβ ‘β‘„β €β €β’€β „β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β  β €β €β €β €β €β €β  β‘€β €β €β €β €β ˆβ£€β£΄β †β €β ˜β “β Άβ ‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘œβ € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β β β  β „β’€β£„β‘ˆβ Άβ €β €β €β €β €β €β’ β ƒβ € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ£‡β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘€β’€β£ˆβ£„β‘β  β’„β’‚β£€β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Όβ €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β£†β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β β šβ ‰β ‹β’‹β‘‹β’·β €β‘Žβ ›β €β €β €β €β €β£°β β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ£³β£„β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β£€β „β €β €β ˜β €β €β ‹β €β €β €β €β’€β‘”β β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β‘΄β ›β β ˆβ ›β’¦β£„β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’ β ‚β’€β‘€β ˆβ €β β β ’β ‚β €β Šβ’ƒβ €β €β’€β‘΄β ‹β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β ”β ‹β €β β’¦β‘€β €β €β ˆβ ™β ²β’¦β£„β£€β‘ β ˆβ €β €β ˆβ’€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β‘Όβ žβ ›β ‰β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β ”β β €β €β €β €β €β ™β’¦β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ‰β ’β ’β ’β£²β –β ’β ’β ’β šβ ‰β β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘ β Šβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ‘β’„β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β ”β ™β ¦β‘€β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β’±β „β£œβ‘°β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β‘œβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ³β£„β €β €β €β €β €β €β£ β Šβ €β €β €β’ˆβ‘’β£€β’€β£‡β‘€β €β €β €β’€β ”β ƒβ €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β’€β‘œβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ³β£„β£ β €β „β‘΄β “β ’β ’β ‚β ‰β β €β ˆβ £β‘ˆβ β£ˆβ „β Šβ 
January 2021

Among Us Reds

twitchquotes: It's important to note that Reds commit nearly 52% of all the murders in Among Us, which is astounding when you take into consideration the fact that they make up 12-13% of the population. It gets even more astounding when you start considering the fact the bulk of Reds committing these murders are probably ages 8-18 which is probably around an estimated 6-7% of the population that means that around 7% of Among Us Players are committing around 50% of the murders.
twitch chat
October 2020

Among Us / Amogus

Team Liquid visited an orphanage in Taipei

twitchquotes: After their game, Team Liquid visited an orphanage in Taipei. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope", said Charlie, age 6.
twitch chat
May 2019
Riot Games

Classic

League of Legends

Wojak

───────▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄ ────▄▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄ ──▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„ β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β”€β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β”€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€ β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„
September 2018

Master Hand

β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘β β €β €β ˆβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ÿβ ›β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ’€β‘€β €β €β£°β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀Ⓓ⑇⠀⠉⠙⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⑿⠿Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣿ β ‰β €β ™β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ —β’€β£€β£΄β €β β €β ˜β ‹β °β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ‹β β €β €β €β €β’˜β£Ώβ£Ώ β €β €β €β €β ™β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β ˆβ ›β ƒβ €β €β €β €β €β’¨β£Ώβ ‹β €β €β €β  β£„β €β£ β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£§β£€β €β €β €β €β ˆβ’Ώβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β β €β €β €β €β €β£ β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣦⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£Όβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⑇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⑆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛Ⓙ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒀⣀⠀⠀⒆⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠
December 2020

Super Smash Bros

Gregory, do you see the small vent on the floor?

Gregory, do you see the small vent on the floor? Have you ever heard of Among Us, Gregory? You need to vent. I know it will be hard for you to be sus, but i know you can do it Gregory.
January 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Five Nights at Freddy's

Speaking American

twitchquotes: IF YOU THINK NA SUCKS WHY ARE U ALL SPEAKING AMERICAN EUROFAGS? EleGiggle
twitch chat
April 2014

EU vs NA

Running dog

β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•±β–β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•±β–”β–”β–”β–”β•²β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ–β–β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ–β•²β–•β–‹β–•β–‹β–β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•²β•²β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ–β”ˆβ–β”ˆβ–”β–”β–”β–†β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•²β–”β–”β–”β–”β–”β•²β•±β”ˆβ•°β”³β”³β”³β•―β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ•±β•²β•±β•²β–β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ–•β–”β•°β”β•―β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ–”β•²β•²β•±β•±β–”β•±β–”β–”β•²β•²β•²β•²β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•²β•±β•²β•±β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•²β•²β–‚β•²β–‚β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ•²β•±β•²β•±β”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆβ”ˆ
November 2014

Masturbating to Dream during class

December 2021

Dreamgender

Minecraft

NSFW

Punish me daddy uwu

August 2021

UwU

NSFW

Twitch Chat will copy paste any words between emotes

twitchquotes: Twitch 4Head chat 4Head will 4Head literally 4Head copy 4Head and 4Head paste 4Head any 4Head words 4Head in 4Head between 4Head emotes
twitch chat
October 2016

Kripp has contracted Casualitis

twitchquotes: The average length of Kripp's stream has decreased over the past 3 years from an average length of 11 hours to the current average of 5 hours. In 2 more years, Kripp will stream for 0 hours. What's the cause? Sources say Kripp has contracted a terminal illness - Casualitis. Soon he will join Katarrian in Heaven. BibleThump
twitch chat
November 2015
Kripp

Pokemon Marathon Season 1 intermission

twitchquotes: ResidentSleeper CATERPIE ResidentSleeper THAT GIRL ResidentSleeper I KNOW I KNOW ResidentSleeper IM STUPID ResidentSleeper DUPLICA ResidentSleeper DONUT ResidentSleeper NOT YOU PSYDUCK ResidentSleeper PITY BADGE ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
August 2018

Pokemon Marathon 2018

Qt has finally reached rank one

twitchquotes: The year is 2050, league is played by less than 100 people. Qt has finally reached rank one, "Lisha I did it!" he yells excitedly. The sound echoes through the empty mansion. Lisha left long ago...
twitch chat
May 2017
imaqtpie

Classic

League of Legends

Bumper Ameng burger

twitchquotes: Bumper stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta tanks like Swon or Muma or Super. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Ameng. The seeded bread buns? It was Ameng’s cheeks as he squatted on Bumper’s face. The tomato? It was his blood dripping off Ameng’s hammer. The mayo? You know what it is
twitch chat
March 2019
OverwatchLeague

Classic

Overwatch

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now FiancΓ©e, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
August 2021

Classic

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