[Copypasta] A navy seal trained in gorilla warfare

twitchquotes: Please do not copy and paste this copypasta. It is my original copypasta and is protected by copyright law. If I see anyone pasting my intellectual property without permission, a navy seal trained in gorilla warfare will smite you.
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September 2015
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I used to work at an abortion clinic

I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed: • ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight • ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor • ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) • ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns • ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man • ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" • ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos • ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) • ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
August 2021

NSFW

Game on!

twitchquotes: Hey everyone! Google employee here. Looks like you guys are having a good time Kappa. Just a friendly reminder to link your Google+ account and avoid streaming any copyrighted material. Game on!
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie

Ebettle

twitchquotes: I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of e-betting website to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ebettle, the best betting website on the internet. Now available for children.
twitch chat
March 2015

sellout

Classic

What if we all spam the same thing?

twitchquotes: 🤔 what 🤔 if 🤔 we 🤔 all 🤔 spam 🤔 the 🤔 same 🤔 thing? 🤔
twitch chat
May 2017

3Head

⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠈⠉⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠄⠄⠘⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⡁⣤⠄⠐⠒⠒⠄⠄⣤⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠘⠛⠛⣿ ⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠉⠹⠟⠉⠉⠉⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⢰⣶⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⢻⠟⠁⢠⠃⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⠛⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣄⡀⢸⣇⣼⠉⠄⠙⠋⠉⠻⠿⣿⣛⠛⠛⢿⣧⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠘⢿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⡈⠉⠄⣠⣾⣿⡿⠁⠄⢀⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠈⠹⣿⣶⣶⣤⣌⣭⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠇⠄⠄⠄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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February 2019
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