[Copypasta] Popsicle burglaries

twitchquotes: Local police are baffled by a string of strange popsicle burglaries that have taken place over the past few days. The thief appears to be ignoring cash, jewelry, and other valuables, only taking sugary treats from the residents' freezers. Police have yet to apprehend the burglar, but have several reports of a suspicious lanky figure with poor hygiene seen near the crime scenes muttering about "value." Any further information on the popsicle bandit should be reported immediately.
twitch chat
August 2016
Kripp
I used to be a real ad
More Kripp Copypastas

This is so small to read even for you bro

twitchquotes: ᵀʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ˢᵒ ˢᵐᵃᶫᶫ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵉᵛᵉᶰ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᵒ⋅ ᴰᵒᶰᵗ ᵗʳʸ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵒᶰᵗᶦᶰᵘᵉ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦᶰᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵉʸᵉˢ ʷᶦᶫᶫ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗ ᵗᵒ ʰᵘʳᵗ ˢᵒᵒᶰ ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ˢᵗᵒᵖ⋅ ᵂʰʸ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵗᵒᵖ﹖⋅⋅⋅⋅ᵍᵒ ᵃʷᵃʸ ᵇʳᵒ ᵃᶰᵈ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᶰᵉˣᵗ ᶜᵒᵖʸᵖᵃˢᵗᵃ⋅ ˢᵗᵒᵖ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦᶰᵍ ᵃᶫʳᵉᵃᵈʸ﹗ ᴵ ˢᵉᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ʷᵃᶰᶰᵃ ᵍᶦᵛᵉ ᵘᵖ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦᶰᵍ﹖⋅⋅⋅ʷᵉᶫᶫ ᵒᵏ, ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵒᶰ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ, ᵇᵘᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ˢʰᵒᵘᶫᵈ ᶜᵒᵖʸᵖᵃˢᵗᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵃᶰᵏ ᵐᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ʷᵃˢᵗᶦᶰᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵗʳᵉˢˢᶦᶰᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵉʸᵉˢ ᵗʰᵒ
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

Every 60 seconds in Murica, 60000 burgers are digested

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Eᴠᴇʀʏ 60 sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅs ɪɴ Mᴜʀɪᴄᴀ, 60,000 ʙᴜʀɢᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴅɪɢᴇsᴛᴇᴅ. Tᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴛʜɪs. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴅ. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hello Kripp, this is your mother

twitchquotes: Hello kripp. This is your mother, I saw that "brofist" you just gave to one of your subscribers. Don't make me come to Athens and make you give him a better brofist. Haven't I taught you better fisting? Love always, mum
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kripp tenderly slid back the wrapper of the card pack

twitchquotes: Kripp tenderly slid back the wrapper of the card pack. His fingers were soft and smelled faintly of cucumber. He slowly pulled out the card, caressing it with his fingers. "I didn't expect it to be so big", he said as he looked at the 7/7 stats. "And only 4 mana?" he said and moaned softly.
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

This is Papa Donger

twitchquotes: ༼ᴥل͟ᴥ ༽ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴩᴀᴩᴀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ. ʜᴇ ᴅɪᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴛᴇʀʀɪʙʟᴇ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛ 5 ʏᴇᴀʀs ᴀɢᴏ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs, ᴛʜᴇʏ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ ʜɪs ᴇʏᴇs ᴀFᴛᴇʀ ᴅʏɪɴɢ. ʜᴇ is ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ. ɪF ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴᴛ ᴄᴏᴩʏᴩᴀsᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪs 5 ᴛɪᴍᴇs ʜᴇ will sᴛᴇᴀʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀɢ ᴏF ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ. ༼ᴥل͟ᴥ ༽
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing