[Copypasta] Anduin and Uther

twitchquotes: Anduin is standing outside, looking through the window. He sees how Ben Brode SCAMAZes Tyrande. A small tear runs down his face. "Since Tyrande is the new Priest hero, nobody will ever fulfill my wishes and desires..." A muscular hand lays down on Anduin's shoulder. He turns around and gasps. It's Uther, the Lightbringer himself. "Don't worry, I will make sure you will get my Blessing of Might". Anduin's sorrow immediatly vanishes as he is about to receive his blessing. Uther smirks and reveals his 5/3 Assbringer. "Wow..." Anduin says. Uther slams his Assbringer into Anduin's 1/1 Lightspawn. "Well Played" Uther yells as he Consecrates all over Anduin's face. "BY THE HOLY LIGHT!"
twitch chat
October 2016

Hearthstone

I used to be a real ad
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Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards

twitchquotes: Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards. It's just so positive and generous. Practically costs nothing at all at one mana you drop him on the board and that chill ass mofo gives you a spell to use later in the game. And you also get this adorable little 1/1 can ping things but usually is too harmless to be removed. But more than the BB is just so positive. It comes on the board like "do you want to cast a spell?" and I'm like "yeah BB i do want to cast a spell let's do this shit" and when he attacks he's like "SPELLS ARE FUN" and I'm like "yeah they are SO FUN." He doesn't say some bullshit macho shit like "I will destroy you" he's just like "nah spells are fun." And it looks so happy. I mean this is an inanimate object literally brought to life by magic. It understands it's life is a temporary magical gift and the dude is just fucking loving it. I mean look at his face he's just so happy. I am literally never sad when babbling book is on board. IDK if he's gonna make it into the metagame or not but for now he (or she) a pretty chill card
twitch chat
December 2016

Classic

Hearthstone

Kripp, Blizzard here again

twitchquotes: Kripp, Blizzard here again. We've noticed that you've been away from Hearthstone for at least 2 hours. We're just wondering if everything is okay. Is it still mages? We're serious about nerfing them if it's a problem to you. Our Viewbots are ready to bring you much ad revenue. Thank you Kripp, hope to see you soon!
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Viewbots

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as going second

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as going second. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being at a mana disadvantage for ten turns. People say to me that a winning when going second is Impossible and I’m *** retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install four cards in my opening hand as well as the coin on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “UNKNOWN” and respect my right to instantly lose the majority of games. If you can’t accept me you’re a turn-twophobe
twitch chat
December 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as

It's funny seeing the minds in chat

twitchquotes: It's funny seeing the "minds" in chat entertained by a virtual children’s card game. 🤣 Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ,” I am reading the works of Plato, etc. Guess who will get a better job in 5 years?
twitch chat
March 2018

Classic

Hearthstone

Kripp's lettuce points

twitchquotes: The year is 2035. Kripp's lettuce points have quickly developed into one of the most valuable crypto currencies in the world. Elsewhere, Tanner sits alone in his dark, dingy apartment, watching Kripp's stream, desperately trying to gamble for some lettuce points. He types "!bet 2 all" in chat, and anxiously awaits the results. Upon seeing Kripp go 0-3, Tanner puts a gun to his head and lets out one final "never lucky" before pulling the trigger.
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Tanner from High School

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