[Copypasta] Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time

twitchquotes: haHAA they say it's impossible to be happy & sad at the same time haHAA My wife told me i have the biggest d*ck out of all my brothers haHAA
twitch chat
October 2016
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Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

I pay $4.99 a month to enjoy chat

twitchquotes: ᶫᶦˢᵗᵉᶰ ᵘᵖ ᵐᵒᵗʰᵉʳᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳˢ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵃᶜᵗᶦᶰᵍ ʷᵃʸ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ʰᵃᶰᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵃᶜᵗᶦᶰᵍ ᶦᶰ ᵃᶜᶜᵒʳᵈ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵗʷᶦᵗᶜʰ ᵖᵒᶫᶦᶜᶦᵉˢ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢᵖᵃᵐᵐᶦᶰᵍ ᵃᶰᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᶫˢᵒ ʳᵘᶦᶰᶦᶰᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶜʰᵃᵗ ʷʰᶦᶜʰ ᴵ ᵖᵃʸ $4⋅99 ᵃ ᵐᵒᶰᵗʰ ᵗᵒ ᵉᶰʲᵒʸ ᵃᶰᵈ ᴵ ˢʷᵉᵃʳ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒᵈ ᶦᶠ ᴵ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃᶰʸᵒᶰᵉ ᶜᵒᵖʸ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵖᵃˢᵗᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᴵ'ᵐ ᶜᵃᶫᶫᶦᶰᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵖˢ
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

xqcS

⡿⣝⢮⢯⢾⢽⢽⢯⣟⣿⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡯⣺⢕⡏⣗⢽⢽⢽⢞⡗⢯⢛⠚⠟⠻⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣫⢺⣸⣪⡳⣝⢕⢕⢵⣱⣣⡧⣇⣦⣢⣀⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡪⣓⢮⢾⡽⣮⢧⡣⡣⡑⠩⢙⣯⡃⠑⠙⠳⣆⡀⠈⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡪⡮⡯⡯⣿⢽⣯⣿⣺⢼⢜⡴⣝⢇⢀⠄⡀⢠⢩⠪⡢⣀⢉⠻⡿⣿⣿⡿⡿⢡ ⡪⡺⡺⡽⣽⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣳⣷⢷⣕⡕⣕⢕⡑⡜⡜⣵⣷⣿⣯⡳⣝⢰⣿ ⡪⣳⡫⡿⣽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣗⣯⣯⣾⡾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⢸⣿ ⢪⢒⢭⢯⣻⣻⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢃⣼⣿ ⢕⢱⠱⡕⡯⡷⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⢟⠏⠏⡏⣟⡽⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢉⣾⣿⣿ ⢕⢕⢱⢱⢱⡹⡕⡗⠯⡳⡫⡯⣎⢆⠄⢔⢝⣾⣿⣽⡳⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⠕⡌⡆⡧⣣⢧⡀⡨⣐⢈⠪⡚⢎⢗⢝⢌⢎⠯⢿⢿⡯⣷⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡱⢨⢪⢯⣞⣗⡷⣝⢜⣼⣿⣬⣦⣣⣕⣕⣆⡇⠅⡀⠉⠓⡯⣿⢿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠨⢊⢮⢳⡳⡳⡯⡿⣽⢾⣝⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⠠⢱⢱⢝⢝⢎⢯⡺⡽⣺⢽⢕⡏⡗⠕⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣀⣀⣀⣃⣃⣋⣓⣓⣑⣙⣊⣓⣙⣘⣊⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
September 2019
xQcOW

Give me a second guys, Dex says

twitchquotes: "Give me a second, guys," Dex says. "Gotta hit up the mailman" He turns down the volume on his bork, and immediately gives Kripp a swift kick down the stairs. As Kripp yelps loudly in pain, Dex overturns the nearest chair, yelling "Fuck this delivery!" as loudly as he can. Fey tries to calm him down, but Dex swiftly bodyslams her onto a glass coffee table. After taking a few deep breaths, Dex wipes the blood off of his snout, sits back down at his ball, and resumes being a good doggy
twitch chat
January 2019
Kripp

When Tim Hortons... all becoming Canada

twitchquotes: ｗｈｅｎ ｔｉｍ ｈｏｒｔｏｎｓ， ｍｙ　ｈａｎｄ　ａｕｔｏｍａｔｉｃａｌｌｙ ｇｏ ｔｏ ｔｈｅ ｍａｐｌｅ ｇｌａzｅｄ． ｉ ｄｉｐ ｔｈｅ ｄｏｕｇｈｎｕｔｅｒｉｎｏｓ　ａｎｄ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｓｅｘ　ｗｉｔｈ ｔｈｅ ｈｏｃｋｅｙ， ａｌｌ ｂｅｃｏｍｉｎｇ ｃａｎａｄａ　ｅｈ? 　ｓｏｒｒｙ
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp
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