[Copypasta] Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time

twitchquotes: haHAA they say it's impossible to be happy & sad at the same time haHAA My wife told me i have the biggest d*ck out of all my brothers haHAA
twitch chat
October 2016
I used to be a real ad
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Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. “Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls. After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I am a Volunteer Twitch Moderator

twitchquotes: You have been reported. I am not a bot. I am a Volunteer Twitch Moderator. I do not have mod powers but my reports are taken seriously and those who get on my bad side tend to get banned in under 24 hours. I have numerous rules, which you may read in my post history, but 1 is the most important rule of all I am an officer in training, and I expect to be treated the same way I would be with my uniform and badge. Watch your back and get used to this face kiddo, you'll be seeing a lot of it.
twitch chat
December 2018

MODS

I sexually identify as Harambe

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Harambe. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of living in a gorilla enclosure at Cincinnati zoo and dragging children. People say to me that a person being Harambe is impossible and I'm retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install the name Harambe, harmless intentions and a gorillas body on me. From now on I want you guys to call me "Harambe" and respect my right to roam around the gorilla enclosure and drag around small children. If you can't accept me you're an agrizoophobe and need to check your zoo official privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2016

Harambe

I sexually Identify as

Menacing

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January 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
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