[Copypasta] Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

March 2021

I sexually Identify as

Kripp the Grinch

twitchquotes: Some call him the Grinch... but we call him Kripp he won't bring you gifts or candy for Christmas but will give you a carrot, some lettuce and some cabbage because he does not want you to have fun on Christmas... just Healthy. He will sneak into your house and give you those lovely vegan treats and then sneak off into the night to complain and moan about RNG......

twitch chat

December 2016

Kripp

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.

twitch chat

December 2019

Kripp

Hearthstone

Le fedora has arrived

░░░░░░░░▄▀█▀█▄██████████▄▄░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▐██████████████████▌░░░░░ ░░░░░░░████le██fedora████████▌░░ ░░░░░░▐███████████████████▌░░░░░ ░░░░░░████has████arrived███████▄ ░░░▄█▐█▄█▀█████████████▀█▄█▐█▄░░ ░▄██▌██████▄█▄█▄█▄█▄█▄█████▌██▌░ ▐████▄▀▀▀▀████████████▀▀▀▀▄███░░ ▐█████████▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄██████▀░░░ ░░░▀▀████████████████████░░░░░░░

ascii art

February 2015

Classic

Amogus 700 years in the future

Imagine, 700 years in the future, through some last vestige of the internet kept in an underground server, a notification miraculously appears on your device (which has been preserved in nuclear dust from the 5th world war). One night, an alien working a late shift at the museum of archeology notices the cracked screen suddenly light up, and upon it, one word arises from the battered code: Amogus. They do not know what this word means. They ponder it deeply. They scour the ancient tomes, desperate to understand its mystifying origin. It drives them mad. Is it a primeval cipher? The motto of a bygone civilization? A message from God? Night after night they study it by candlelight. They flip through pages in books so old, the slightest cough would turn the paper to a fine off-white powder. The answer is nowhere to be found. And then they are struck by a revelation: I was not meant to know this word. Its esoteric nature escapes my grasp for a reason. What if its meaning is too enlightening to bear? With this revelation comes anger. Spite. Despair. Why shouldn't I understand it?! What cosmic forces are there at play to keep me from such knowledge?! In a fit of desperate rage, they shatter your device against a wall and exclaim, arms raised to the heavens: "This is literally 1984!" Silence... Their pleas are unanswered. Sadly, in the end, their inability to unlock the word's meaning drives them to suicide. Its secrets are never known. So I ask you this: is it better to die having never understood the true mind-bending nature of Amogus, or to be driven mad by the little spaceman in his blood-red suit? If you knew enlightenment would render you incapable of living on this mortal earth without making daily references to a game of space mafia, would you accept it? With knowledge comes power, but also endless suffering. Choose wisely, and be wary when standing at the edge of that great abyss we call "the Truth," lest you fall too deep.

March 2021

[Copypasta] Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as

Kripp the Grinch

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

Hearthstone

Le fedora has arrived

Classic

Amogus 700 years in the future

Among Us / Amogus

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