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My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class. That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him. 
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I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Slap Chop commercial script
Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! Youāre going to be in a great mood all day, because youāre going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look hereās a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you donāt have to switch any blades.
Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- thatās why you donāt have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza.
Youāre going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now youāre going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this youāre going to have an exciting life now.
Look hereās a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and youāre going to love this. You donāt have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go.
Youāre going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isnāt that beautiful on your ice cream.
Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable
twitchquotes:
Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable, his gray eyes burning. 'im going to CHUGGA,' he murmurs, his voice full of longing. I brace my self for his cold hard thrust. his ice lance pierces. As he presses closer, my breathing quickens. He has lethal, my body explodes.
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Kripp
Hearthstone
I fucking hate Stuart Little
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I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what youāre thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and heās supposed to be a hero? And I canāt even tell you how many damn times Iāve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, Iām going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote āyouāre a piece of shit, and i fucked your momā. Iām now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people youāve wronged will rise against you.
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My sister bet 100 dollars that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti
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My sister bet 100 dollars that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
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imaqtpie
I sexually Identify as McCree
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I sexually Identify as McCree. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of walking slowly on the battlefield announcing it's mid day. People say that being a McCree is Impossible but I donāt care, Iām beautiful. Iām having a plastic surgeon install a cowboyhat, revolver and High Noon memes on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Jesse McCree" and respect my right to announce it's mid day. If you canāt accept me youāre a HighNoonaphope and need to check your gunslinger privileges.
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