[Copypasta] Everyone knows the crowd are all paid actors

twitchquotes: Everyone knows the crowd are all paid actors, but did you know the chat is all paid commenters too? I can prove it - all the other paid commenters in chat will also post this
twitch chat
March 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Play the greatest game of all time, Cookie Clicker

twitchquotes: Kripp, you are called casual all day everyday and I say it is time to stop. If you truly wish to play a mans game, Play the greatest game of all time, Cookie Clicker. Nothing is more hardcore and less p2w than the masterpiece that is cookie clicker. Play that on stream and never be called casual ever again.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro

twitchquotes: Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.
twitch chat
April 2020

Classic

We require you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparino, this is Noah Liferino, CEO of No Life IncorporatedΒ©. As you may already know, we are requiring you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp (has life) as you no longer are a "no life". This was stated in the contract you signed under section 6 article 9 paragraph 420. This is to be enforced immediately.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Inverted Toucan

dlǝɐsǝ pouΚ‡ qɐuΛ™ Κ‡uxβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘pΗΚŒα΄‰ΙΉΙΉΙβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘sɐΙ₯β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘uɐɔnoΚ‡β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘Ηlβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–€β–€β–Œβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
June 2019

One day I'll be a real dong

twitchquotes: (ΰΈ‡ β€’Μ€_‒́)ΰΈ‡ ONE DAY I'LL BE A REAL DONG (ΰΈ‡ β€’Μ€_‒́)ΰΈ‡
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing