[Copypasta] Now THAT is what I call RUSSIAN MEDDLING!

twitchquotes: Had a colonoscopy today. My doctor was actually Russian. Now THAT is what I call RUSSIAN MEDDLING! They put me to sleep w/ same stuff Michael Jackon used. When I woke up, I MOON-walked right out of the hospital!
twitch chat
June 2018
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Racoon

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⣴⣶⣤⠀⣿⣿ ⡿⢛⣉⣉⣉⣉⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣡⣴⠏⠁⠀⡚⠀⢸⣿ ⠁⣿⠉⢀⡉⠉⢿⣷⣄⠈⠉⠁⣠⣀⣤⡀⣤⣤⣀⣴⠂⢺⠧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿ ⠀⢷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⣷⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡟⠃⠠⢄⣀⢀⡴⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣧⠈⠣⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠸⠛⠃⠉⠋⠹⠀⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠺⣟⣷⣦⣄⠙⠿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⢈⢿⣷⣾⣦⡤⢴⣿⣶⡀⢠⣔⣤⣤⡀⠀⠲⣾⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⢻ ⣿⠏⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⡻⣿⠀⠘⠿⡟⠡⠄⢉⡼⢿⣿⣿⣦⠈ ⡏⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡁⠐⠃⠈⠀⠐⠀⠀⣀⢠⡤⣾⠃⠀⠉⠛⠛⢠ ⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠁⠘⠿⣶⣤⠴⠶⢟⣰⣶⣾⣿⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾ ⡀⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⢠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣟⠿⣿⡆⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿ ⣷⡄⠛⠟⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⠈⠁⠀⠘⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣈⣛⣉⣉⡙⠋⠋⠁⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
January 2020

I'm tired of this terrible chat

twitchquotes: I'm tired of this terrible chat. I make thoughtful comments and cheer the teams on, but then chat spams and my comment gets lost. I might as well just spam PunchTrees 7 like the rest of you...
twitch chat
April 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

Holy Champion: how many fingers do you see?

twitchquotes: ╭∩╮( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮ How many fingers do you see? ╭∩╮ ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮
twitch chat
October 2015
Kibler

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021

George Orwell ruined my life

I’m a huge fan of 1984, especially the writing of the characters and dialogue in it. There was a girl I liked at school, and I tried to think of the smartest and most clever way to ask her out. I decided to be like Winston, telling her how much I used to hate her and how I wanted to rape her and smash her head into a wall. However, instead of being wooed like I expected, she got mad at me and told the Principal and said I was “sexually harassing” her. It’s clear she just wasn’t intelligent enough for me and was embarrassed. However, no one wanted to hear my reasoning. I’ve been given detention and my parents have been informed, and despite how I’m clearly in the right everyone seems to think I’m some weirdo now. This truly is a dystopian society we live in......
September 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing