[Copypasta] Homo Sapiens

twitchquotes: When I was 12 yrs old, a male friend asked me if I was Homosexual or Heterosexual. I didn't know what either meant, but I did know we were called Homo Sapiens. So I said I was Homosexual. He laughed at me. He then explained the difference and then I said I must be heterosexual because I had sex with his mom.
twitch chat
July 2018
I used to be a real ad
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Dance party

░░┌──┐░░░░░░░░░░┌──┐░░ ░╔╡▐▐╞╝░░┌──┐░░╔╡▐▐╞╝░ ░░└╥╥┘░░╚╡▌▌╞╗░░└╥╥┘░░ ░░░╚╚░░░░└╥╥┘░░░░╚╚░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░ DANCE PARTY ░░┌──┐░░░░░░░░░░┌──┐░░ ░╔╡XX╞╝░░┌──┐░░╔╡XX╞╝░ ░░└╥╥┘░░╚╡XX╞╗░░└╥╥┘░░ ░░░╚╚░░░░└╥╥┘░░░░╚╚░░░ ░░░░░░░░░░╝╝░░░░░░░░░░
ascii art
November 2014

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Well met m'ladies of Twitch Chat

twitchquotes: Wᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇᴛ ᴍ'ʟᴀᴅɪᴇs ᴏғ Tᴡɪᴛᴄʜ Cʜᴀᴛ! I'ᴍ ᴀɴ ᴇʟɪɢɪʙʟᴇ, ғᴀsʜɪᴏɴᴀʙʟᴇ (ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴛᴇsᴛ ᴛᴀɪʟᴏʀᴇᴅ ғᴇᴅᴏʀᴀs) ʙᴀᴄʜᴇʟᴏʀ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪɴᴇsᴛ Dᴏʀɪᴛᴏs (Cᴏᴏʟ Rᴀɴᴄʜ). Iғ ᴀɴʏ ʙᴜxᴏᴍ ғᴇᴍᴀʟᴇs (ɴᴏ ғᴀᴛᴛɪᴇs) ᴀʀᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ sᴇx, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴇɴᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀ Tᴡɪᴛᴄʜ PM.
twitch chat
May 2015
Tempo Storm

YoDa

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣿⣴⠈⠉⠁⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠁⠉⢿⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⡀⠀⠑⡀⠘⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⡀⣄⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⡿⠛⠉⠛⠿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠿⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢠⣦⠀⡉⣑⣤⣿⣇⢀⠛⣠⢀⣆⠀⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣶⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠹⣿⣤⠠⣤⠤⣠⣿⠏⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠹⣿⣶⣶⣶⣴⠟⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⠅⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
November 2018
YoDa

Toucan

░░░░░░░░▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄ ░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌ ░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█ ░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌ ░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄ ░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄ ░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄ ░░░░░▒░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░░░▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄ ░░░░░░▒▒░░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄ ░░░░░▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████▀
ascii art
November 2014
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