[Copypasta] Homo Sapiens

twitchquotes: When I was 12 yrs old, a male friend asked me if I was Homosexual or Heterosexual. I didn't know what either meant, but I did know we were called Homo Sapiens. So I said I was Homosexual. He laughed at me. He then explained the difference and then I said I must be heterosexual because I had sex with his mom.
twitch chat
July 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
August 2021

Sigma male schedule

2:00 am- Wake up 2.05am-Cold shower 2.15am-breakfast,almonds, breast milk bought off Facebook, 50mg adderall 2:30am- begin workout,incline bench 2 plates,12x12 with 30 seconds of rest, no warmup. 2:45am-edging,4hrs (for disipline) 6:45am-cold shower 7:00am-begin sprint to work 8:00am-arrive at work 8:05am-get called into boss' office 8:06am-get fired from job for "repeated inappropriate comments" and "predatory behaviour" 8:10am-sprint back home 9:10am- lunch-raw cod, berries foraged on the way home, small pebbles (for digestion),50mg of adderal 9:10am-edging(as punishment) 3:00pm- bed time
August 2021

i was raised to serve my wife

twitchquotes: call me old fashioned but i was raised to serve my wife. i clean the dishes and cook her food. i do whatever she says bc she is my wife and she makes the rules around the house. she owns me. i am her property. if she ever cheats on me it's bc i was lacking.
twitch chat
May 2020

Simps

Smile

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠤⠜⠛⣿⣿⡟⠛⣀⡀⠄⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢁⡀⠄⠘⠻⣿⣿⡏⠛⠠⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⡇ ⠄⠤⢤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣠⠤⠇ ⠄⠄⠈⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⡞⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠙⠿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
September 2019

Mindnumbingly slow Hearthstone games

twitchquotes: Using footage of Octavian "Kripp" Morosan's mindnumbingly slow Hearthstone games, a landmark sleep study at Cologne University has successfully replicated the brain patterns produced in a comatose state. Lead researcher Don Pepporoni had hopes that this research will be able to cure the thousands of mentally invalid children who have, of late, been reduced to perpetual shitposting on video game streams.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing