[Copypasta] Why am I always being put in the friend zone

twitchquotes: Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I'm a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m'lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I'm sick of being considered 'beta' or whatever you call it.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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I accidentally ran over my wifeā€™s pet rabbit with my car

So my wife works from home and she is a graphic designer. She is working from home because the rabbit is very needy and cannot be apart from her without screaming itā€™s head off. She barely leaves the house due to this and it is difficult because I have to do everything for her and them that requires leaving the house. Whenever we go anywhere together the rabbit has to go with her. However since that post was posted I had developed a plan with the help from some dms and comments I had been acting sick all night and all morning and convinced my wife to go to the market for me to get me medicine. Some Tylenol and cough syrup. She was worried about the rabbit and suggested taking it with her but I somehow convinced her to go without it. We live in a rural area and the closest store is about 20 minutes away. So I hatched my plan as soon as she left. I grabbed that little shit by the neck and while it kicked and screamed I put it into an Amazon box and rushed to the car with it. Initially the plan was to release him into the wild so I drove to the closest wild spot which happens to be a campsite and let the little parasite out. He is partially blind so he just sat there for a bit and I pushed it closer to the grass off the gravel parking lot and it started sniffing around and shit. At this point I thought I was home free and I got into the car to leave but the little shit noticed me getting in and ran towards the car when I started it and moved the car over a bump and I heard a scream. I didnā€™t know what to do do I started driving and stopped the car a little further away and it was lying there on the gravel parking lot as I started to panic. I didnā€™t want to kill it I just wanted it gone. Instead I drove over it like a speed bump. I put him back into the box and Drove to the vet. My wife is calling my phone I donā€™t know what to do, Iā€™m writing this in the waiting room of the vet. I fucked up. The whole thing is a blur. Edit: rabbit is alive, driving home, will update
May 2022

Red powder found on Summoner's Rift

twitchquotes: Imaqtpie's games were delayed today after a red powder was found on the rift. After analysis, Rioters determined the red substance, unknown to Imaqtpie, was the remnants of an enemy nexus. Games resumed after Rioters decided Imaqtpie was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
twitch chat
August 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

SPAM THIS BREAD TO HELP BALD HEAD

twitchquotes: SPAM šŸ„– THIS šŸ„– BREAD šŸ„– TO šŸ„– HELP šŸ„– BALD šŸ„– HEAD šŸ„–
twitch chat
May 2019
pgESAM

Rhyme Chant

Super Smash Bros

Hey, kripp! ĀæQuĆ© pasa, hombre?

twitchquotes: Hey, kripp! ĀæQuĆ© pasa, hombre? Es Jeff de la clase de Historia del Ćŗltimo semestre. No sabĆ­a que eras una especie de celebridad famosa hahahaha. Batirme, hombre. Por cierto, Āæalguna vez te uniste a Brian? Ɖl era un niƱo de T H I C C. XD Eres un perro asĆ­. Es genial verte de nuevo. Ā”GolpĆ©ame en algĆŗn momento!
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Wow! I love Verizonā„¢!

twitchquotes: Wow! I love Verizonā„¢! Iā€™m glad that the internet is so free! Isnā€™t it great to say whatever you want and have your opinion represented equally across the internet! Itā€™s really great! Good thing Verizon has spent millions on having that removed Iā€™m sure they wonā€™t abuse it! Thank you Verizonā„¢! I love Verizonā„¢! Donā€™t you love Verizonā„¢?! Say it! Say it! Say you love Verizonā„¢! Canā€™t you see theyā€™re protecting us from all those small businesses who want to steal a fraction of their market?! Donā€™t you hate those people disagreeing with you?! I sure love Verizonā„¢! Thank you Verizonā„¢! Thank you for sticking your gold plated rusty knives up our asses and looking us dead in the eyes and saying ā€œthis is whatā€™s best for a free and open internetā€ and slowly twisting it deeper and deeper until we eventually just give out and shit money into your fat wallets!
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

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