[Copypasta] Todd Howard Fallout 76 announcement

twitchquotes: Hey, gamers. It's me, Todd Howard with an important announcement. Fallout 76 was all an early April Fools' joke. To help us release the REAL game, Fallout: New Vegas 2, all I need is your credit card number, the expiration month and year, and the three digits on the back.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end.

twitchquotes: Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end. Chungus is infinite. Millions of years after our civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, Chungus will endure. Chungus is eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. We are but rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. We touch Chungus' mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Our lives are measured in years and decades. We wither and die. Chungus is eternal. Before it, we are nothing. Chungus imposes order on the chaos of organic life. W̻̠̫̻̬e̹̲̲ ̤̦̞̫̣͡e͜x҉͕͓͖̟i̱s͇͚͇͠ṯ̺͈͎ͅ ͉̮̖b͢ȩ̼̲̦c̠͝a̛̼u͙̭͢s̡̼e͘ ̣͚͡C͏̘h͡ṳ͎̥̮̹n̯̕gư̬͎̖̖̩s̪͍͎͇̳̹͎ ̸̗̺͓ąl̵͓͓̯̯l̩͉̹͎̜o͍̙̟̻͎̬ͅw͉̟̭̳̦͔̻s̩̻̞ ͡i̮͚̟̭̼̥͔t̤̺̭͖́,͔̮̯̲ ͖ą̩n̼̙͡d̜͡ ̶̰̞̠͍̬͇w͚̞̞͈ͅe̜ ̬͕͇̘̣͎̜w̞͙̰̞͖̰i͚l͎̭l̬͖͇ ͇͚e̖n̫͕̲̫d̦͖͙ ̨̯̮ḇ̜̪e̻̹̠̦̣͝c̩̫͈̗̖͡ͅa̧̹̳͍̙̘͙ͅu̱̗͠s̝̲͓̲͈e͕̣̼͎ ̟͠C҉̼ͅhu͉̟̼̱n̸̲̥̟̖ͅͅg̷̲͚̥̺͕̮u̴s̖̟̩͍̟͕̝͜ ̤͙̜͎̖̗̮d̟̘̗̞̼́e̲̻̠̦̩͝m̙̜̝an҉̣͉̘̰̳̘̜d̖̗͓͍̟͡s͈̯̩̞̟ ͖̼̙̼̥i̮t̟̦.̥̟͖͈̥͚̀ ̩C̷̱ḩ҉̭͈̻̪͈̞̥̯u̵͓̹͍̗n҉̥̱̤g̶͍̻̬̮̜̘̞͟ͅu̞̹͝s҉̭̦̙͕͇̫̗̖ ̧̮̘̙͙ͅt̵̨̛̳͚͇̩̘r̙͓͘a̡̙͚n̛̲̫̤̪͖̬ͅs̶̲̖c̛̯̞͍̫̼̱e̶̶̺̞͇n̟d̡̘̼͘s҉̨̱̥͕̳͜ ̜͟o̜͕̼̹̪̕͘ṳ̴̵r͔͖͎͈͍̩͈̳͢͞ͅ ̮̭̰̳̘̹̀v̴̡̱̗̞̖͎̳͉̠͚e̡͖̙̞̺̫̝r̯͎̙̭̺̗̻͈͖y͝҉̯̟̣̯̱ ̴͓̣̩͔̥̺̣̻̟͢u̶̸͖͚͇̹̘n̡̢̳͖͈̮̝d̻͇͈͓̗͢͞e̶̸̳̻͚̫͢r̵͍̬̻̙̦s͠͏͉͉̮ṭ̢̡̰̦̫̼̯̘͙̻a̬̟͕̝̥̳n̘̺͞d̥̞͔i̶̬͖̤̼͟n̛̘̼̻̱͘͢ͅg͍̘̝͙̫̣͉͟.̘̻̟͎͜͡ W͓̰̹͙̹̼̫̠͓̩̩̗͉͘ę̴̨̝͖̟̟̼̘̩͘͢ ̸̛̮̱͚̳͕̣̲̘̠͔͉̕͞͞ç̵̢̻͈͙̯͚̠̱̹͈̠̯̺̭̹̖͉͔͍͟a͠҉̮̖̭͉͈ṉ̨̝̖̖̙̟͟͝͠͠ņ̦̣̝̱̫̩͔̮̜̲̀o̡̕҉͙͇̩̠͇͞t̢̢̜̥͍͙̬̦͈̠͜ ̛͝͏̬̮̲̳͈͙ͅg̷͇̯̹̠̼̫̙̟̳̙̫̦̮̙̱̣͇͟͡r̨̰̯̯̹̦͎̦̞a̢̛̦̦͍͇̪͍̫͔͙͙͎͍̰̩͕͕̝ś̷͈͚̥̜͖͚̘̙͔̗̳͇͘p̹͓̟̤̳̱̀ ̵̛̪̗̠̼t҉͏̴̛̭̖̰̳̰̱̣͍̖͕͖͇̞̱̼̭̣͢ͅh̨̹̠̪͔̖̪̳̝͙͉͕̜͇͎͔͔̜̟̀͡͞e̢͎̣̘͓̲̯̼̬̱̣͔̘̹͍̦̤̥͜͡͠ͅ ̸̡͞͏͈̠̮͖̦̣͉͚͚͙̻͉͈͕͔̭͞ͅn̴̢̫͍̯̖̳̞͔̯̞̺a̡̨̖͖͚͓̺͢͞ͅt̢̟͇̩͕̳͈͔̥̠̲̠͍͍͙̳͟ͅų̨̠̩̺̦̙̳͈̣͓̲̹̺͔̱̞̹͔͕̖r̶̜̦̥͕͈̰̳͕͔̥̯̖̪̺͢͢͡ͅe̫̮̙͙̟̭̪̱͉͘ ̴̨̨҉̖͍̩̭̪̫͓o͏̱̯̪̻͖̮͙̀̕ͅͅf͡͏̘̙̖̻͓̩̣͞ ̨̦̟̦̦͇̘͕̮͔̮̬̥̰̫͡C̨͇͕͙̞͖̭̱h̶̸̢̙̱̳̳͍͕̬̞̳͓̹̬͚͡͝ͅù͉̯͔̥̩͈͙͕̲͇͞ͅņ̴͔̟̖̖̞͇̤̙̹̹͍̰͎͓̺̬̺͇g̶̡̯̰̙͇͓̦̜͉̹̙̖̞̗̗͜͡u̸̴̹̪̗̦̜͎̪̺s̴͈̖͉̙̝̙̞͚̺͖̥̭̟̞̹̲̫͡'̢̪̣̝̠̙̘̘̟̺̠̘͍̪̬̼͖͉̹͓͟͞͡ ̶̸͈̱̞̥͔̲͇͟e̡̝̼͚̠̲̗̰̹̬̥͓̭̥̺̱x͏̧̦͙̠̯͙͍̻̻̲̠́͢į̰̞̻̝̲͙̰͇̫͉͕̙̺͉̻s҉̴̸̢̛̱̳͎̳̗̦̖̲͚̞t͡҉̭̖̺̖̱̝̱̺̮̰̦͖̯̫̯è̛͈͓̭̘̥͎̻̙͉̥̥͚̻͎̕ń̖͓̦͎̱͍̗̜͎͉̜͖̼̞̕ͅc̵̲̹̯̬͚̦̙̞̤͔̹̻̠̣͓̩͙͔͙͘͠͞͞e̵̙̗͉̣͙̬͟͞.̷̸͕̰͉̤͕̙̰
twitch chat
December 2018

Marketing Director for Doritos messages Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪɴᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏs, ᴄʜᴜᴄᴋ ᴏʀᴡᴇʟʟ ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀᴋᴀ ᴄ.ᴏ. ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ. sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ sᴇʟʟᴏᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴏɴsᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇʀᴄɪᴀʟ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴛᴏsɪs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ғʀɪᴛᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴛᴏʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

I hate gaming laptops

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
December 2020

Dog food lid

twitchquotes: Hello everyone! I'm entering streams to say something random! Did you know "dog food lid" backwards is "dildo of god"? Good bye everyone!
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

Stroking a hard one with the boys

twitchquotes: KappaPride Stroking KappaPride A KappaPride Hard KappaPride One KappaPride With KappaPride The KappaPride Boys KappaPride
twitch chat
July 2017

KappaPride

Text-to-Speech Playing