[Copypasta] Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
December 2018
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"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.
July 2021

Classic

No mods

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹ ⠄⠄⠄⣶⣶⣶⣶⣝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼ ⠄⠄⣸⣧⣄⣰⠆⢙⠳⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣽⣂⣈⣁⣌⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣾⣿ ⠄⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⢩⡅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠰⢿⣿⣯⣽⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢠⡄⣤⡀⠈⠛⣿⣟⢿⣿⡇⠄⢠⣼⣷⣦⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣷⣿⣷⣾⣶⣿⡌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⠟⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣉⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠿⠿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢻⣿⣤⣄⠈⠉⠁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣾⠄⡇⠄⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣀⣀⣉⣡⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣶⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠉⢹⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣾⠄⢰⡆⠄⡇⠄⣿⠄⢸⡇⠰⡷⠄⢸⡤⢈⠄⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣶⣾⣷⣶⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣶⣶⣶⣾
January 2019

MODS

Kripp's skill and knowledge of Hearthstone is incredible

twitchquotes: Wow Kripp, your skill and knowledge of Hearthstone is truly incredible. Never before in the history of humankind has any person been as good as you are at this game, at this moment, with this deck, against this opponent. You will, you must win the game. There is nothing that can stop you now.
twitch chat
October 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Dear women who post nudes on reddit.

Stop with the fucking " I bet you'll never guess what's under my dress.." It's tits. It's always fucking tits. This is no mystery to anyone, and human anatomy has been the same for over 100k years. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You all do this. Do you really think your tits and asshole are so special that they're going to shift our collective consciousness or something? "I bet the guys at the gym wonder what's under my yoga pants." I bet they already know, and if they fucking don't, maybe you shouldn't be at a kid gym for 4 year olds.
July 2021

Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian

twitchquotes: Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian, with a humble request to stop talking out of me. I know it's fun to pretend like you have any idea what you're talking about, and to pull random statistics out of me to support whatever point you're awkwardly trying to make, but come on! I have a hard enough time dealing with the vegan garbage in your digestive tract! Do us both a favor and use your brain once in a while! Thanks! - Assarrian.
twitch chat
December 2017
Kripp

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing