[Copypasta] Fortnite that's how Mafia works

twitchquotes: Fortnite. Fortnite. Fortnite. It was all my two kids talked about. They were utterly devoted to it. I had to make a change. I took the controllers and told them they couldn't play until they downloaded Mafia City. They whined and whined, but soon became engrossed in this amazing and educational game. Fortnite soon forgotten, their grades improved rapidly, much like their levels in game. The teachers were amazed, "how do they do it?" they asked me, I simply replied "that's how Mafia works."
twitch chat
January 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Exercise caution and stay away from the Subs

twitchquotes: SECURITY ALERT: A Romanian man, roughly 6'5", skeleton thin, with black hair and scraggly beard has been seen riding the NYC Sub train and violently "Bro-Fisting" passengers. He's accompanied by a short Asian man dressed as Hitler who reputedly cuts out the tongue of anyone who refuses to give him $5. Exercise caution and stay way from the Subs!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Investigating criminal codenamed Forsen

twitchquotes: ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴄʜ ᴜsᴇʀs: ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴘᴏʟ ᴀɢᴇɴᴛ ɢɪɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛɪɢᴀᴛɪɴɢ sᴇʀɪᴀʟ ʀᴀᴘɪsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ sʏᴍᴘᴀᴛʜɪᴢᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴅᴇɴᴀᴍᴇᴅ ғᴏʀsᴇɴ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇɴᴇss ᴏғ ᴛʜɪs ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀᴏᴜs ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ.
twitch chat
January 2015
Forsen

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Hammer and sickle

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠻⣷⣄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣦⡀ ⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣧ ⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⡿⠋⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡆ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣄⡀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⢿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁ ⢠⣶⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀ ⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⡿
September 2020

Where i grew up copy pasta was taken seriously

twitchquotes: Dear Twitch Chat users. Do u think its funny to copy pasta everything you see? Copy that, pasta that. Where i grew up copy pasta was taken seriously, and when i come here my mind explodes. Please, respect copy pasta. For me, it's about religion.
twitch chat
April 2015
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing