[Copypasta] not an weeb thing

twitchquotes: ‘not an weeb thing’. try living a day in my shoes, walking around terrified of encountering normal people everywhere i go. wherever i look, people with tv show merch, people speaking english. it makes me and millions of other weebs out there feel really attacked.
twitch chat
February 2019
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Elundus Core

twitchquotes: The Elundus Core was a 6.2-kilogram (14 lb) subcritical mass of a previously undiscovered isotope of plutonium measuring 89 millimeters and was previously held in Felix "xQc" Lengyel's basement. It now lives in the depths of yellowstone waiting to explode
twitch chat
May 2019
xQcOW

Reynad wakes up after the final night of Blizzcon

twitchquotes: Reynad wakes up after the final night of Blizzcon. "Never lucky", he says. "I wouldn't say that", says a voice to his side. Reynad rolls over and to his surprise, it's a hot grill. "Wow! How did I manage this?", he asks. "You are very persuasive", purrs the grill. "What's your name?" Reynad asks. "Chat calls me Scamaz", Scamaz laughs as he pulls off his wig.
twitch chat
November 2015
Reynad

Logan Paul Apology but I replace "apologize" with "cum"

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm simply here to cum. So what we came across that day on the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw, they were unfiltered. None of us knew how to react or how to feel. I should have never posted the video. I should have put the cameras down, and stopped recording what we were going through. There's a lot of things I should have done differently, but I didn't, and for that from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I want to cum to the internet, I want to cum to anyone who's seen the video, I want to cum to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness, or depression, or suicide. But, most importantly, I want to cum to the victim and his family. For, my fans, who are defending my actions, please don't, they do not deserve to be defended. The goal of my content is always to entertain, to push the boundaries, to be all inclusive and in the world I live in I share almost everything I do. The intent is never to be heartless, cruel, or malicious. Like I said, I made a huge mistake, I don't expect to be forgiven, I'm just here to cum. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disappointed in myself, and I promise to be better. I will be better, thank you.
May 2022

You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders

You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders. "You seem a little tense" says Elon, as you look at your bank account. Your phone shows $107 left to your name. You think to yourself while Elon rubs you down, you pull open Robin Hood, type in TSLA. Leaps $900 JAN 2023' are only $1 you can afford 1 leap. This is finally your chance to get rich, you'll be able to actually buy a Tesla. You ask Elon what the next Tesla will be. He says "U, for 'you'" as he smiles sweetly. You picture him dancing on stage explaining U S3XY to everyone multiple times as you smile back at him. All of a sudden Elon flips on the TV to CNBC to catch the tail end of Jim Cramer, you see a new law has been passed, "we believe options have inflated the markets into a bubble, we will be imposing a new rule next week only allowing accounts that qualify for day trades to also purchase options with a $25,000 barrier to entry." You start weeping aloud, you feel a caring hand wipe your tear away, it's Elon again, "what's wrong my little X'√π3?" Suddenly you wake, you're in a pool of sweat, at first you panic about the new options policy, then you're filled with relief realizing that options aren't restricted it was all a dream. You realize this was actually a vision to earn 200,000% gains to buy a TSLA leap. You log into RH, it welcomes you with your $107 balance, you plug in TSLA yolo 2023 @ $900 and realize the options are actually $20 each. The best you can do is $900 TSLA weekly expiring around Christmas. In a slight fit of despair you try to remember the feeling of Elon rubbing your cheek, and rub one out onto your stomach, then roll over back to sleep. A single tear rolls from your eye into your waifu pillow. YOLO you whisper.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

This guy's appendicitis is CRAZY!

twitchquotes: ☑ “This guy's appendicitis is CRAZY!” ☑ “My appendix can't win against an appendicitis like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely that appendicitis to win" ☑ “He topdecked the only appendicitis that could beat me” ☑ "He had the perfect infection" ☑ “There was nothing I could do” ☑ “I played that perfectly"
twitch chat
October 2017
Kripp

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

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