[Copypasta] 80 billion dollars in twitch stocks

twitchquotes: 4 people broke into my house and held me hostage last night. Somehow they've heard I hold 80 billion dollars in twitch stocks and wanted me to withdraw it to a specific bank account. I had to explain for 2 hours how it's all fake money and that I've spent almost a week trading fake stocks just to gain nothing. They ended up calling me a fucking loser and left..
twitch chat
March 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. β€œLook also on the other side,” said the poor creature, β€œmy husband has sometimes taken that road.” From β€œThe Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022

It's me Tanner from High School

twitchquotes: It's me Tanner from High School. I'm sorry for bulling you in class. Now I'm trying to be a better person and make amends. Please accept my apology. I am on the 12 steps program and trying to recover from alcoholism since I was diagnosed with a rare disease called ligma Just kidding nerd!! I'm gonna keep slapping Veronica's ass and driving around in my Dodge Charger. I gotta go to the gym. Good talk!
twitch chat
June 2019

Tanner from High School

Slap Chop commercial script

Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades. Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza. You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now. Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go. You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
December 2020

YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS A JOKE

twitchquotes: You all think these are copypastas. YOU THINK THIS SHIT IS A JOKE, it is not a fucking joke. I am trying to CON-VER-SATE. You are so socially inept to even do this and I can’t carry you in this like everything else since it takes two to conversate. Pay attention. Think thoughts. Just do anything. I swear I don’t even know how your parent can tolerate you.
twitch chat
June 2020

I hate Twitch Chat

Titsa me, Mario!

June 2017
Text-to-Speech Playing