[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Incel Revolutionary Party

twitchquotes: I am going to start a new party called "Incel Revolutionary Party" or "IRP". Almost all women will be taken into concentration camps and they get a handpicked incel boyfriend. The uglier the incel is, the better looking the girl is. Incels that are good looking will only get the fattest and ugliest girlfriends. Non-incels (infidels) will be taken into conversion camps and they will be forced to eat junk food, game all day, never go outside, and never work out. They will be converted to incels. Non-incel women that are against the forced girlfriend laws will also be converted into "incel-allies" by watching state-sponsored propaganda videos that are all about how sad incels are and how much they need girlfriends. There will also be some Chads, Brads and Tyrones that will not be converted into incels because the women who are incels (femcels) will not have to be a forced girlfriend. They will get a free boyfriend. If the chosen chads, brads and tyrones are against the laws, they will also be forced to watch propaganda videos about sad femcels are.
twitch chat
November 2020

Hey Kripp, I hope this comment reaches you in time

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, I hope this comment reaches you in time (I'm on satellite internet). When will you review the cards for the upcoming "Curse of Naxxramas" expansion?
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

CLG needs the DongerKing

twitchquotes: Dear Qtpie. This is MonteCristo. I just want to tell you that we would love to have you on CLG as our new top laner. You have the best ognTSMrototations that I have ever seen and even better mechanicanics than Faker. And your hair will give CLG new strength to win worlds. Please call me. CLG needs the DongerKing.
twitch chat
April 2014
imaqtpie

League of Legends

when were you when john lenin dies

twitchquotes: apology for poor english. when were you when john lenin dies? i was sat at home eating smegma butter when pjotr ring. ‘john is kill’ ‘no’
twitch chat
June 2019

Classic

It seems you have Tissed Krump

twitchquotes: Rania arrives home with a paper bag by her hand. "Foodie time !", says Kripp ready to stuff his face in front 20.000 viewers. As Rania hands over the bag and gives him a passionate kiss, she notices that his lips feel different. She looks into his eyes and yells in horror as she sees someone else in Kripps seat. "It seems you have Tissed Krump."
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing