[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Fantastic AoE2 player

twitchquotes: "Streamer's name" is a fantastic player, he only needs to work on his scoutings, build orders, strategy choices, eco management, army compositions, control groupings, unit splits, xbow dances, mangonel attack grounds, monk micros, knights surroundings, galley fights, laming, clicking precision, building placements, not getting housed, map bans and civ choices.
twitch chat
July 2020

Age of Empires II

UwU what's this? Nuzzles how are you

twitchquotes: Rawr🐲🐊 x3😋 nuzzles how are you😉🙂 pounces on you😛 you’re😃 so😄 warm🤒😈 o3o😏 notices😯 you have a bulge🍆 o:😯😮 someone’s happy😃 ;)😉😜 nuzzles your necky wecky😈😗~ murr~ hehehe😊 rubbies👋🤚 your bulgy🍆 wolgy you’re😌 so big😯😮 :oooo rubbies👋🤚 more on your bulgy🍆 wolgy it🚫 doesn’t stop🛑 growing ·///· 😐kisses😚😘 you🙂 and lickies😝👅💦💦
twitch chat
April 2019

Emoji Pasta

Weebs

Hippo

░░░░░░░░░░█▓██▓▓██▓█░░░ ░░░░░░░░░▓█▓█▓████▓██░░ ░░░░░░░░█▓▓▒  ▒▒▒  █░░ ░░░░░░░█▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█░░░░ ░░░░░█▓▓▓▓▓  ▒▒  ▒░░░░ ██░░█▓██▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒░░░░░░░ ██▓▓▓█(◐)█▓▓█▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░ █▓▓▓▓▓██▓▓▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█▓▒▒ ▒▒▒▒░ ░░░ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█▓▓▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ ▓░░░ ▓█▓▓▓▓▓█▓▒█▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█░░░ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒██████░░░░░
ascii art
November 2014

People space jammed from the oldest of times

twitchquotes: From the oldest of times, people jammed for a number of reasons. They jammed in prayer... or so that their crops would be plentiful... or so their hunt would be good. And they Jammed to stay physically fit... and show their community spirit. And they Jammed to celebrate." And that is the Jamming we're talking about. Aren't we told in Psalm 149 "Praise ye the Lord Octavian. Slam Jam unto the Lord Octavian a new song. Let them praise His name in the Space Jam"? And it was King David - King David, who we read about in Samuel - and what did David do? What did David do? He jammed
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times.

I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
August 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing