[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
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I sexually Identify as Fox McCloud

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Fox McCloud. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my Melee Championship at EVO. People say to me that a person being Fox McCloud is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, Mishun Complete. I’m having Mango inject me with tech skill and mindgames. From now on I want you guys to call me “Fox” and respect my right to shine and upsmash. If you can’t accept me you’re a spaciephobe and need to check your tierlist privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
October 2016

Super Smash Bros

I sexually Identify as

Kermit the Frog and the Twin Towers

It is actual Muppets canon that Kermit the Frog, in some way, had a role in bringing down the Twin Towers in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In "It's a Very Muppets Christmas Movie," a film released in late 2002, Kermit is shown a glimpse of what New York City might look like if he had never been born. Among the scenery of this alternate reality NYC, we find none other than the Twin Towers proudly standing in the background. They were, of course, long destroyed in Kermit's normal reality. And yet, in the world without Kermit, the war on terror is missing its powder keg spark. Who would've thought that green piece of fuck could kermit a terror attack on US soil, but there it stands unimpeachable... We have concrete, canon proof of involvement. Why the world hasn't stopped and asked further questions is only further proof of a media cabal keeping this conversation away from the masses. The Twin Towers would still be standing if it weren't for Kermit the Frog. Al Qaeda was the puppet this time, and Kermit the hand within.
April 2022

I am financially ruined

I came here for the first time and in 3 minutes made the decision to put way more than I can afford into PLTR calls. I’m too retarded and now I literally dont know what to do I am financially ruined and I can’t even remember what I read that said this pltr thing was a good move. Fml
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Chinese gibberish copypasta

twitchquotes: 臣亮言：先帝創業未半，而中道崩殂。今天下三分，益州疲弊，此誠危急存亡之秋也。然侍衛之臣，不懈於內；忠志之士，忘身於外者，蓋追先帝之殊遇，欲報之於陛下也。誠宜開張聖聽，以光先帝遺德，恢弘志士之氣；不宜妄自菲薄，引喻失義，以塞忠諫之路也。宮中府中，俱為體，陟罰臧否，不宜異同。若有作姦犯科，及為忠善者，宜付有司，論其刑賞，以昭陛下平明之治，不宜篇私，使內外異法也。侍中、侍郎郭攸之、費褘、董允等，此皆良實，志慮忠純，是以先帝簡拔以遺陛下。愚以為宮中之事，事無大前出師表
twitch chat
June 2014
EtrnlWait

Fortnite default dance 1

⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠿⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣀ ⠀⠀⠀⣶⣶⣿⠿⠛⣶ ⠤⣀⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣿⣤ ⠒⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠉⣀ ⠀⠤⣤⣤⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⠀⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣶⠉ ⠀⠀⠀⠤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⣭⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⣉⣿⣿⠿⠀⠿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣤ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠛⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠿⠿⠿ ⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛
ascii art
November 2018

Fortnite Default Dance

Fortnite

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