[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

LPT: If you’re tall, when speaking to a short person, kneel down or else you’re being ableist

LPT: If you’re tall, when speaking to a short person, kneel down or else you’re being ableist Being short is a disability, and as a tall person, it's your responsibility to make sure short people don't get even more disabled by having to look up to speak to you. Doing this can damage their neck. Standing up while talking to short people also makes them feel threatened and unsafe so kneeling down not only prevents them from damaging their necks but also makes them feel more safe. Not doing this means you don't respect short people, you're mocking their disability, you're looking down on them and that's ableist, so be the bigger man and kneel. Thank you.
August 2021

PEPEGA

⣿⠛⣷⠀⠀⢸⣟⡛⠀⠀⣿⠛⣷⠀⠀⢸⣟⡛⠀⠀⣴⢟⣛⡀⠀⠀⣸⢿⣇⠀ ⣿⠉⠉⠀⠀⢸⣯⣥⠀⠀⣿⠉⠉⠀⠀⢸⣯⣥⠀⠀⢿⣮⣽⡇⠀⢠⡿⠶⣿⡄
ascii art
July 2019

I have evidence. No u

purple: IT'S RED! I HAVE EVIDENCE! red: Purple sus ngl. purple: no u red: ... ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤred was not an impostor.
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Chat stop spamming XD

twitchquotes: Hey chat, right now im very sleepy and unable to read chat. I got my dog reading chat out loud for me so i can enjoy chat with you guys. He keeps yelling "XD" to me so i suspect chat is spamming XD. Plz stop as youre confusing my dog and hes getting upset. Thank you much appreciate.
twitch chat
May 2019
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