[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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For a little donger, I pack a big punch!

twitchquotes: ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ For a little donger, I pack a big punch! ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ!!!
twitch chat
March 2015
Trump

It was dinner time at the Overwatch GAYmer house

twitchquotes: It was dinner time at the Overwatch GAYmer house. Moonmoon dishes up a steamy plate of pasta when he realizes he forgot the meat. Seagull looks up from his plate, the gleam in his eye. "I got the meat right here for you baby" lubing up with marinara sauce Seagull begins to pound his sausage into moonmoons tight lightly buttered dinner roll. The scream of delight, Seagull releases his load, calling an end to yet another successful team dinner
twitch chat
August 2017
MOONMOON

KappaPride

Overwatch

This guy's vape is CRAZY VapeNation

twitchquotes: “This guy's vape is CRAZY!” VapeNation “My vape can't win against a rip like that” VapeNation "He NEEDED precisely those two clouds to win" VapeNation “He ripped the only vape that could beat me” VapeNation "He ripped the perfect vapes" VapeNation “There was nothing I could do” VapeNation “I vaped that perfectly” VapeNation
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

VapeNation

Fortnite default dance 11

⠀⠀⠀⣶⣿⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣀ ⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣶⣿⠛⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⣀⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀ ⠀⠤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉ ⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿ ⠉⠛⣿⣿⣶⣤ ⠀⠀⠉⠿⣿⣿⣤ ⠀⠀⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠒⠿⠛⠉⠿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⠿⠿⠛
ascii art
November 2018

Fortnite Default Dance

Fortnite

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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