[Copypasta] This Disney DVD is enhanced with Disney's FastPlay

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.

January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Trump captains Australian TSM division

twitchquotes: Today pro-gaming team TSM announced that their star Hearthstone player Jeffrey "Trump" Shih will be moving to Australia to captain their new division, AuTSM. Way to go Trump!

twitch chat

January 2015

Trump

100% reason to go for the face

twitchquotes: 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% slowly ranking uphill, 5% topdeck, 50% race or just 100% reason to go for the face SMOrc

twitch chat

April 2015

Kripp

Hearthstone

They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger

They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. When I am in danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, resistant material and make millions. Brigades will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests.

August 2021

I will become the Fiora master

twitchquotes: As the pain of hunger overtook the people of Africa they began to feel hope. "I will become the Fiora master!" said Michael "Imaqtpie" Santana. The people of Africa cheered.

twitch chat

September 2017

imaqtpie

[Copypasta] This Disney DVD is enhanced with Disney's FastPlay

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

Classic

WallStreetBets

Trump captains Australian TSM division

100% reason to go for the face

Hearthstone

They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger

I will become the Fiora master

League of Legends

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