[Copypasta] If your girlfriend cheats on you

twitchquotes: If your girlfriend cheats on you, you need to understand that you lacked something that made her cheat, so instead of leaving her for another girl, find out the error in yourself, apologise to her and be a Better man. โœŒ
twitch chat
June 2019
Found on Twitter: https://twitter.com/pattyamaka_/status/1032616980765978624
I used to be a real ad
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I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Hi David, this is Akali's daughter

twitchquotes: Hi David, this is Akali's daughter. I noticed you have been picking my mom for your team in gym class. i have been having a really tough time since she left home, and it doesnโ€™t make it easy on me when you reroll and say "i guess we're going assasins.โ€œ I think you should take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and think how it would feel if your mom left you to go carry an old man. Akali is just a poor single mom that is overworked to death. Why donโ€™t you try being a little more exclusive.
twitch chat
July 2019
dogdog

Teamfight Tactics

Iโ€™m struggling to accept religious people as human (/r/atheism parody)

This has been growing in me for a while, but the more I see whatโ€™s going on in africa and the middle east, and all the bullshit around the world in the name of religion, Iโ€™ve gotten to a point where Iโ€™m looking at all religious people as not even human. I donโ€™t know if I quite see them as livestock or wild animals or whatever, but itโ€™s pretty close to it. I still donโ€™t understand why people say to respect other peopleโ€™s religious beliefs. I certainly donโ€™t. I actually think religious beliefs should be mocked, ripped apart, criticized relentlessly, and actually probably be made illegal. I hope to see a future where believers are looked at as mentally ill and mentally retarded, who need to be locked up and treated, or sent to jail. Iโ€™m just so disgusted by all of them.
June 2021

President's Day Emoji Pasta PresiDICK's Day

Happy PresiDICKโ€™S ๐Ÿ†๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒฝ DAYโ€ผ๏ธ Time โฐโฐ to honor the DADDIES ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ฌ of our nation ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ George SLUTsington ๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ‘ฏ, Benjamin SPANKlin๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿ‘, John HanCOCK ๐Ÿ†๐ŸŒฝ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ These POUNDING ๐Ÿ”จโš’ fathers ERECTED โฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธ their ๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ“ƒCUNTstitutional dongs ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒfor LADY LIBERTY ๐Ÿ—ฝ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ™€ Raise that ASS ๐Ÿ‘ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ Abraham LinCUM ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ, ๐ŸŒฒ WOODrow Wilson ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿ˜‰, Bill CLIT-on ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ˆ, and the CUMmander in chief, ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘€BarCOCK Obama ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘€ Donโ€™t forget Dwight D. EisenWHORE ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜ฉ DICKlared war ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ’ฃ on those CUMMIES ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’‚๐Ÿ’‚ Share in โ™‹๏ธ SUCKonds or you wonโ€™t be pounding ๐Ÿ”จthat presidential PUSSY ๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€ Get 5๏ธโƒฃ back and ur a White House HOE ๐Ÿ  Get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ back and ur the SUCKretary of state ๐Ÿ“”๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ Get 20 back and the First Lady will make u moan ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ HAPPY JIZZIDENTโ€™S DAY!! Hail to the CHEEKS ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘
February 2024

President's Day

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

My chat experience is ruined with dinger spam

twitchquotes: I for one am glad submode is on. I pay $4.99 USD a month to watch the living legend, Michael "iamacutepie" Santana, and I feel my experience is ruined with "dinger" spam, whatever that means.
twitch chat
September 2014
imaqtpie
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