[Copypasta] That's the power of cargo pants

twitchquotes: Excuse me? Cargo pants, motherfucker. My pockets have pockets. You can't stop the storage. And when it gets too hot, just unzip and remove the lower half of the legs. Utility, motherfuckers. Want me to hold your phone for a second? how about I hold one of every phone on the market, each with their own individual pocket. Want me to hold your souvenir from your vacation to Europe? How about I put Europe in my pocket. That's the power of cargo pants, motherfuckers
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Great Thermo-War

twitchquotes: It is the year 2134. I am one of the last people on the planet. Nearly everyone was wiped out in the Great Thermo-War. Now there is no reason to live. I open my holodeck-transponder and go to "Twitch tv". I turn on Kripp's stream and see that he has made it to Rank 10. I succumb to my radiation poisoning.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce

gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
February 2021

Classic

Stabbed with Kniferino made out of an OJ Carton

twitchquotes: Oแด„แด›แด€แด ษชแด€ษด Mแดส€แดsแด€ษด, แดแด›สœแด‡ส€แดกษชsแด‡ แด‹ษดแดแดกษด แด€s Kส€ษชแด˜แด˜, สœแด€s แด˜แด€ssแด‡แด… แด€แดกแด€ส แด›สœษชs แด›แดœแด‡sแด…แด€ส's แด€า“แด›แด‡ส€ษดแดแดษด. Hแด‡ แดกแด€s แด€แดส™แดœsสœแด‡แด… ส™ส แด€ ษขส€แดแดœแด˜ แดา“ แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€s ษชษด แด€ษด แด€สŸสŸแด‡ส, แด€ษดแด… sแด›แด€ส™ส™แด‡แด… แดกษชแด›สœ แด€ แด‹ษดษชา“แด‡ส€ษชษดแด แดแด€แด…แด‡ แดแดœแด› แดา“ แด€ษด OJ แด„แด€ส€แด›แดษด. RIP ษชษด แด˜แด‡แด˜แด˜แด‡ส€แดษดษช แด„แด€แด˜แด˜แดœแด„แด„ษชษดแด แด˜ษชsแด›แด€แด„สœษชแด, สแดแดœ sสœแด€สŸสŸ ส™แด‡ แดษชssแด‡แด….
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

This offends me as a...

twitchquotes: This offends me as a vegan transgender hipster Native-American-Indo-Chinese hybrid alien agnostic-atheist German engineer who vapes fairtrade organic decaffeinated compressed and hydrated extra-protein soy breast milk on the regular and does Hindi Kama Sutra naked crossfit yoga 8 days a week.
twitch chat
June 2017

Hippo

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ€ƒโ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ(โ—)โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ€ƒโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ€ƒโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ€ƒโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014
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