[Copypasta] Destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey

twitchquotes: As I have stated strongly before, and just to reiterate, if Turkey does anything that I, in my great and unmatched wisdom, consider to be off limits, I will totally destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey (I’ve done before!). They must, with Europe and others, watch over the captured ISIS fighters and families. The U.S. has done far more than anyone could have ever expected, including the capture of 100% of the ISIS Caliphate. It is time now for others in the region, some of great wealth, to protect their own territory. THE USA IS GREAT!
twitch chat
October 2019
Donald Trump tweet: https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1181232249821388801
I used to be a real ad
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A middle-aged man complaining about an online card game

twitchquotes: ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴍɪᴅᴅʟᴇ-ᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴀɪɴɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ ʙᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ᴀɴ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴘᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ $4.99 ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ sᴏ. ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ɪɴ ᴘᴇʀsᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʙɪɢ ʙᴀʙʏ.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

May I, a woman respecting and feminist-supportive male

May I, a woman respecting and feminist-supportive male, see at least one breast from you my queen? I do not mean to come on as an improper male, and if this request disturbs you, please make me aware. You, my queen, deserve the utmost respect of any female. However, many of my gender seem to sexualize women and view them as sex toys. However, my Queen, I do not share these views. Rather, I value the female spectrum of the human race as the superior, and I, a respectful male, request for the viewing of an isolated, singular breast from your body. I await your response my Queen.
May 2021

Simps

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
August 2021

Classic

Kripp ignores chat draft

twitchquotes: As a young boy, Kripp lived with his family in a chateau in Romania. Kripp had a younger sister who was born frail and prone to illness. The family always took special care to make sure she was never too cold or hot. One day Kripp's parents were late and told Kripp to put his sister to bed. Kripp accidentally left the window of the chateau open, his sister contracted pneumonia and died. At the funeral, his father sobbed and said "My son, why did you ignore the chat draft?"
twitch chat
November 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021
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