[Copypasta] Sleeping in bed with your parents

twitchquotes: Question for those in chat: Let's say you are sleeping in bed with your parents. You are in the middle. You wake up and want to get up, but you notice that you are partially inserted into your mom and your dad is partially inserted into you and they are still asleep. Which way do you thrust to get out?
twitch chat
November 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Biohazard

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢲⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣔⢿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠻⢿⡿⣢⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⢀⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠉⠻⣿⠇⠀⠀⠸⣿⡿⠋⢰⣿⡇⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⡄⠀ ⠀⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣷⡀⠀⠰⣿⣶⣶⣿⡎⠀⢀⣾⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⠀ ⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣷⣄⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⢇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠐⢤⣀⣀⢀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⠿⠋⠙⠿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⣀⡠⠂⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
March 2020

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021

Hey! I noticed you used an emoji.

I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit. If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.
January 2024

Reddit

I love your stream. Just kidding

twitchquotes: I love your stream. Your energy and optimism is inspiring and you just make my day so much brighter. Just kidding lol. It's tanner. I see you're still playing this children's card game despite me stealing and selling your account back in the day. Anyways, good talk. See you at the gym ... not.
twitch chat
June 2019

Hearthstone

Tanner from High School

Anime girl excited

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠈⠙ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠴⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠈⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢁⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣀⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⠀⠀⠐⢦⡀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⣠⡾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⠿⠿⠟⠛⠋⢷⣄⠀⠀⠹⣦ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠯⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣷⣤⡀⠘ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠑⠢⣀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⣀⠄⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠢⡙⡳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡆⠀⠃⢀⡴⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠱⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⢂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣾⡀⢐⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣴⡀⠁⠀⠙⢦⠀⠀⠈⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠳⡈⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣿⡿⠿⠽⠿⠿⣿⣷⣶⣌⡳⡀⠀⢹⣷⡄⠀⠀ ⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠑⢥⠀⠀⡾⠋⣰⡿⡟⠊⠀⠚⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠉⢹⠀⢳⠀⢸⣿⣿⡄⠀ ⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣇⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡄⠀⠈⠀⠈⠀⠰⢻⠋⠀⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠈⠀⠀⢃⢘⡏⢿⣿⡄ ⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠈⠣⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠋⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣼⡇⠈⢿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⣿⠀⠀⡨⠂⠄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣀⠀⠀⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠈⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⣐⠊⠀⠀⠀⢉⠶⠶⢂⠈⠙⠒⠂⠠⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠸ ⠀⣀⠂⢣⡀⠀⠀⠘⣠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⠷⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡀⡙⠀⠈⢧⠀⠡⡀⢉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⡫⣋⣥⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡗⠃⠐⠀⠈⣷⡀⢳⡄⠂⠀⠀⣸⣿⡛⠑⠛⢿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⡀⠂⡀⠀⣸⢱⡈⠇⠐⠄⡠⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⡐⡀⠀⢠⠏⠀⢳⡘⡄⠈⠀⢿⡿⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣧⠐⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⢳⡴⡀⠀⢸⣿⡄⠀⠉⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⣶⣶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣷⡀⠀⠃⠙⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠙⣄⠀⠀⠀⠱⣕⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠘⢦⡀⠀⠀⠈⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢄⠈⠻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿
May 2021

Weebs

Text-to-Speech Playing