[Copypasta] HAPPY IMPEACHMENT DAY

twitchquotes: 🚨🚨🚨HAPPY IMPEACHMENT DAY to all my freedom🗽loving hoes💦👅👅👅who put the 🍑in IM🍑MENT😛😛😛looks like donald💰🤮finally got caught👩‍✈️👨‍✈️trying to call daddy ukraine🇺🇦🇺🇦 to take out hoe biden🧓🏻🔥 but now we need to RIDE🏇CUMgress 🏛raw😩😩👅👅 so they can’t back down️, send this to🔟of your💃🏻wokest📝woes🔥🍌or say 👋BYE to ur independence🙏🏻😩eating that IMPEACHMENT🇺🇸DAY🇺🇸ASS 🍑is the only️ ethical👌form of consumption😋😋😋under late capitalism💸💵💴💶so WE’RE ALL EATING TODAY☭☭☭️🍆🔥💦👅
twitch chat
December 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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Spider-Dong

twitchquotes: ─=≡Σ/╲/( ͡ʘ ͜U ͡ʘ)/\╱\ ᕕ༼ ºل͟º༽ᕗ Help me, I'm being chased by Spider-Dong!! /╲/( ͡ʘ ͜U ͡ʘ)/\╱\ ᕕ༼ ºل͟º༽ᕗ
twitch chat
November 2014
Amaz

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Huntard is confused

twitchquotes: ｈｕｎｔａｒｄ ｉｓ ｃｏｎｆｕｓｅｄ． ｕｎｄｅｒｔａｋｅｒ ｗａｓ ｐｌａｙｅｄ ｔｕｒｎ ｏｎｅ， ｂｕｔ ｏｐｐｏｎｅｎｔ ｌｉｖｅｓ． Ｅｖｅｎ ｇｒｅｅｔｉｎｇｓ ｔｒａｖｅｌｌｅｒ ａｎｄ ｏｖｅｒｐｏｗｅｒｅｄ ｄｏｇｅ ｃａｒｄ ｄｉｄ ｎｏｔ ｗｏｎｎｅｒｅｄ． Ａ ｓｉｎｇｌｅ ｔｅａｒ ｒｏｌｌｓ ｄｏｗｎ ｈｉｓ ｆａｃｅ ａｓ ｈｅ ｃｏｎｃｅｄｅｓ． ｔｉｍｅ ｔｏ ｃｒａｆｔ ｇａｈｚｉｌｌａ．
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Overused sexually identification copypasta

I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.
June 2016

I sexually Identify as

Potato harvest is bad. Play Hearthstone in Amerikanski

twitchquotes: My name Dimitri Baryshnikov. I grow up in small farm to have make potatos. Father say "Dimitri, potato harvest is bad. Need you to have play porfessional game in Amerikanski for make money for head-scarf for babushka." I bring honor to komrade and babushka. Sorry for is not have English. Plz no cykapasta
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
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