[Copypasta] I apologize, as my English is rather substandard

twitchquotes: I apologize, as my English is rather substandard At what whereabouts were you when the popular browser video game Club Penguin shut down? I was in mine place of residence, when my communications device informed me that someone wanted to contact me. "Club Penguin, the popular browser MMO has shut down." "I disagree"
twitch chat
January 2020
Variation of this copypasta: https://www.twitchquotes.com/copypastas/3256
I used to be a real ad
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Hello Mr. Santana this is Michelle Obama

twitchquotes: Hello Mr. Santana this is Michelle Obama, i'm loving your stream but all this feeding is making USA looks like garbage, i'm sending my husband (BARACK OBAMA) to shut you down.
twitch chat
April 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

EU vs NA

I'm better than professional valorant players

Wait, these are PROFESSIONAL valorant players? I'm better than all of them and I'm in bronze. I purposely empty my vandal clip down to 1 bullet because I kill all my opponents with 1 tap ease. Tenz looks like he could use some lessons from me directly. I'm bronze by the way.
August 2021

Valorant

And youโ€™ve been, GNOMED

twitchquotes: Ho ho ho ha ha ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚, ho ho ho he ha๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ. Hello there๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ‘‹, old chum๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿ‘ต. Iโ€™m ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธ g'not ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธa g'nelf๐Ÿง๐Ÿ‘Ž. Iโ€™m ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธg'not๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธ a g'noblin๐Ÿ‘บ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘บ. Iโ€™m a g'nome๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿ˜!! And youโ€™ve been, GNOOOMED๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ!!!
twitch chat
September 2018

Emoji Pasta

How do I properly get rid of a life size sex doll?

I bought a $1000+ sex doll which weighs almost 100 pounds and has a metal skeleton and silicone outside. It's like 5'3 and looks very realistic. I bought it when I was drunk like 2 years ago and didn't cancel the order the next day as I forgot I even ordered it; it showed up on my doorstep like 10 days later in a huge box... I tried to use it once but it is impossible to use because its so cold lol. I have it buried under clothes that I don't wear anymore in my walk-in closet for almost 2 years and every time I have a girl over I have to keep the closet locked and I even have to tell my cleaner to clean all rooms aside from my walk-in closet as I am embarrassed by it. I NEVER litter but I don't know what to do with it. I really want to put it in the back of my truck and dump it in the woods somewhere but I know that is a shit thing to do and will not do it. How can I dispose of it in a environmentally safe way without driving to a dump and looking like I am disposing of a dead body or having the workers laugh at me? I can't cut it up into pieces and put it into trash bags as the skeleton is metal and I just don't have the tools to do it; its a really legit sex doll it is super high quality. My apartment complex has a huge dumpster but its all on camera; should I just go there super late at night and throw it in there? The dumpster is on camera and its for "trash only" it says no metal and no boxes. Anyone have an answer on how to dispose of this thing by myself, quietly and without anyone seeing me? Thanks !! EDIT: Lots of weirdos getting angry at me because I "fabricated this" story/question. She just got a (SFW) photo shoot for you so shut up. https://ibb.co/album/xKkCs1
July 2021

Last night I shoved live gerbils in my ass for the first time. AMA

July 2022

Confessions

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