twitchquotes:
Jack and Jill went up the hill🗻🏞 So Jack could lick her candy 🍭🍬 🅱️ut Jack got a shock😳🙌💯 And a mouthful of cock👄💦🍆 Cause Jill’s real name is R🅰️ndy 😈
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What happened to this ad? :(
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Daddy’s little tidepod
i'm daddies wittle tide pod hehe (ꈍ꒳ꈍ)i'm all squishy and wet for daddy! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ he loves how my bitter taste nuzzles his taste buds and my Botanical Raintm scent!!!! (。・ω・。)but he knows how im not meant to be eaten...(´･ω･`)waaah!!! dont eat all of me daddy( ；∀；) hehehe my soap-pussy is so wet >///< 1 lick 2 lick 3 lick 4... no more daddy i'll break~(●///▽///●) hehe i'm daddies wittle tide pod so wet and squishy =w=
UwU
NSFW
I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk
I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of implanting wires in monkey brains and being the supreme leader of Mars. People say to me that a person being a multi-billionaire CEO is impossible and I’m a fucking Twittard but I don’t care, I’m the richest man on Earth. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a Tesla HUD, StarLink terminal and a crypto mining rig on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Technoking of Tesla” and respect my right to manipulate dogecoin prices. If you can’t accept me you’re a muskophobe and need to check your unionized worker privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
I sexually Identify as
When you clean your vacuum cleaner
twitchquotes:
When you clean your vacuum cleaner, aren't you the vacuum cleaner? 
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Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)
Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
How to commit all 7 deadly sins at once
If you angerly masturbate to another guy's money and jizz in your mouth and compliment yourself for the taste when you're on your shift at work, then you've committed all 7 sins... with room to spare.