[Copypasta] Lmao you call yourself a COVID-19 fan?

twitchquotes: Lmao you call yourself a COVID-19 fan? I'm fucking loaded on virus points bro. I highlight every message because I'm just infecting everybody. Try talking in chat again when you are stocked up on hand wash, toilet rolls & baked beans ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿฆ 
twitch chat
March 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020

Please use the code Tempo to save 3% off...

twitchquotes: BibleThump Andrey Yanuk otherwise known as Reynad has passed away this Saturday's afternoon. He was ambushed by a group of dongers in an alley, and stabbed with a kniferino made out of a salt shaker. His last words were "please use the code "Tempo" to save 3% off the funeral costs and bury me in my tempostorm tshirt". Rest in peace pepperoni cappuccino pistachio bro. You shall be missed. Please no copy pasterino cappuccino
twitch chat
November 2015
Reynad

sellout

So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a trollface cosplay

So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing a trollface mask and black morph suit. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as your mother (after I have sexual intercourse with her) and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my morph suit. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "Cover yourself in oil." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "You mad bro?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "We do a little trolling!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Trollface."
September 2021

NSFW

Somebody I used to know

twitchquotes: I hate when people quote songs in their spam... it reminds me of Somebody I Used to Know
twitch chat
March 2015

I watched your stream and went 1-3 just like you!

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp I'm 12 and I'm your biggest fan! I saw you play Artosis last year at BlizzCon, are you gonna win BlizzCon this year Kripp? I heard you were good at Arena. I watched your stream and went 1-3 just like you!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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